What do you do when the one man you hate is the person your son admires most? People keep saying I should talk to him. Though for some reason I'm not really understanding what it is I should talk to him about. Mae says answer his questions...thus far his question consist of "Why are you being like this!!?", "Don't I have a right to know!?!" and "What are you afraid of?!!" So I'll start with the first one. I am "being like this" pertaining to the way I am currently "being", because I don't trust him and I refuse to allow my son to be around a man who could...do such a thing to his family. I don't know that he's changed, not for sure. And until I do, I don't want my son near him. I won't risk it. That's if I believe he's truly changed even if you proves it to me somehow. That question directly ties to the last one, so I'll answer that one next. Honestly, I fear for my sons life. I realize that my son is strong. But he's not strong enough to defend himself against him, should something go wrong. I will not risk my sons life to allow him to talk to that man. I'm afraid of what may happen. And everytime it's mentioned...my son going to see him that is. Images flash through my mind of son being murdered. His bloody bruised body lying somewhere that I could never find. I simply...don't want those images to come alive. That..is what I'm afraid of. The last question I'm going to answer is the second one I stated. Yes, you have a right to know. You have a right to the history of your family, the workings of our ancestors and the begginings of other kin. I cannot honestly keep that from you. And although there are many things I don't want you to know. Should you ask outright, I would be hesitant but...I would tell you.
Hitokaryuu
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
O-s-u-m-a-r-u
Outrageous
Smart/Sexxy
Unappreciated
Misunderstood
Attractive
Random
Unusual
Hee hee, sorry. Lately I'm a little obsessed I guess. *shrugs* I don't know. I just realized how much I love him. I mean I say it all the time. Even before we got married I always told him I loved him, but then it was mostly a joke. You know just me saying the already over-used word. I don't know what it was that made me realize it. But it was yesterday. I was walking down the hall to the...where ever that hall leads and he just came up behind me and hugged me, wrapping his arms around my waist and then kissing my neck, lightly. He said "Hi" then proceeded down the hall. I know a simple gesture, but it just donned on me then that I'm not just married. I'm inlove, have been for a long time. Maybe even since I met him the first time. I know I know...I'm being silly. *sighs* But, I don't think he actually understands...how much I love him. Because I was saying it before and it wasn't real. I'll make sure he knows from now on. It's important. Hee hee, I'm planning a surprise for him. Now he'll probably know but I'm not going to say what is until I do it. So that way he'll still be surprised even if he reads this. *grins* It's going to be great. I hope he thinks so too. Anyway. I've got something to do now so bye people.
~Love you Osumaru~
Naname'
Smart/Sexxy
Unappreciated
Misunderstood
Attractive
Random
Unusual
Hee hee, sorry. Lately I'm a little obsessed I guess. *shrugs* I don't know. I just realized how much I love him. I mean I say it all the time. Even before we got married I always told him I loved him, but then it was mostly a joke. You know just me saying the already over-used word. I don't know what it was that made me realize it. But it was yesterday. I was walking down the hall to the...where ever that hall leads and he just came up behind me and hugged me, wrapping his arms around my waist and then kissing my neck, lightly. He said "Hi" then proceeded down the hall. I know a simple gesture, but it just donned on me then that I'm not just married. I'm inlove, have been for a long time. Maybe even since I met him the first time. I know I know...I'm being silly. *sighs* But, I don't think he actually understands...how much I love him. Because I was saying it before and it wasn't real. I'll make sure he knows from now on. It's important. Hee hee, I'm planning a surprise for him. Now he'll probably know but I'm not going to say what is until I do it. So that way he'll still be surprised even if he reads this. *grins* It's going to be great. I hope he thinks so too. Anyway. I've got something to do now so bye people.
~Love you Osumaru~
Naname'
Two Days..
Last night I had a dream. It was amazingly life like. I still feel the happiness radiating from me. The dream was over a course of two days. The first, I got to meet my favorite person in my favorite band. The singer. His voice is absolutely wonderful. He's beautiful as well. He was very kind and when I was about to leave insisted upon knowing my name. I didn't tell him. Eventually (still that night) he asked my advisor Sophia and she told him. Then she brought me back, and I talked to him some more. About an hour or so later...I fell asleep right next to him. When I woke, I had scooted closer still and his arm was draped casually across my waist. It felt nice, but I rolled away and lay back down. Later that day I made breakfast, we both ate and about an hour from then I had to leave. The next time we met we didn't talk so much. He wasn't supposed to or something. But he warmed up to me again as I did with him. I did something horrible but I won't explain it. Then he wouldn't talk to me again. Way later, when his host left her friends house I talked to him on this thing. I told him about how I felt about my life. The way I lived it. And he wrote a song...for me. Then, he offered me a life. I can't even explain the feelings that swam their way through me. But I just woke up from that dream. *smiles* And I realize it wasn't a dream at all, it was very real...and now I get to live.
~Neaseline Cortosian~
~Neaseline Cortosian~
Friday, December 01, 2006
Lift Thy Secrecy
Maybe it's just me...maybe it's none of my business. But I think if two people share such a love that they have bonded for eternity...they should know everything about one another. Don't you think so? No. I'm not talking about myself. I understand my love's secrecy. Though if I ask he'll probably tell me. I feel as though I don't have the right to know all of his secrets. Even though he knows all of mine. Who I'm talking about is my best friend and her....husband ^_^ yes, husband. See he know everything about her, right down to her mother's maiden name. and she knows nothing of his past. I understand it's probably not something that needs to be told over and over again, and like I said it really isn't any of my business. But she came to me and asked if my love told me much about his past. He does not. So she decided it wasn't much of her business, but sometimes she see's a great pain in him and she knows nothing of it's origin. She knows that others know of his secrets, they know of his pain and trials, and she could easily get the information from them. But it's not the same. She wants to hear it from his lips as he has heard her life. *sighs* I know, I should stop. I should just keep my thoughts to myself, and butt out....but...she looked so sad today. She bears his child, he bears her name and she knows nothing of him. How utterly saddening...anyway, I shall return now to the sanctuary I reside in.
^_^ Farewell!
Paytience
^_^ Farewell!
Paytience
Monday, November 27, 2006
My Lost Romance
My Lost Romance©
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
The broken chain of My Lost Romance,
Is spiraling toward me,
Its sharp pointed edge,
And metal links,
Will break me, will carve me,
To shape a hole, a void so black,
[So deep, so deep I can't come back]
The rips and tears will sound aloud,
[My broken heart will cease to pound]
The end of me is near,
I feel it in the air,
Pain is ringing through my ears,
Along with My Lost Romance
[I'm lost I'm lost,
My love is lost,
It's broken and wilting,
Dying and withering,
Never to love me,
I've lost I've lost]
I've loved him forever,
Always with all of my heart,
He's a broken figure,
In the mirror their eyes,
To me he's a sculpture,
A masterpiece of lies,
One thing that held me,
To this world of ours,
[Hold me, hold me keep here]
But he won't love me,
[Love me, I love you, love me dear]
Now it's gone, the flame I saw,
Lost as a shadow far before dawn,
Lost and broken,
Much like me,
Departed and drifting,
Headed for the sea,
That was my one chance,
Now its gone forever more,
Gone with the wind,
My Lost Romance...
[I'm dying I'm dying,
My love is dying,
Its shattered and ruined,
Tattered and stained,
Never to accept me,
Nothing remains]
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
My Lost Romance,
My Lost Romance,
Ending far from my last chance,
Carving hole after hole,
Into my chest,
Ripping me apart,
Not destroying the rest,
It beats, It beats,
This heart of mine,
Though ruined and crippled,
A shriveled shrine,
To all that I've loved,
And the love I have for you,
It's dying Its dying,
But it still beats true.
I'll cry all my life,
For this loss I face,
But I cannot hate you,
[I will not hate you]
You've left a print,
A tread in my blood,
Though this love is lost,
[Though it never was]
I will love you,
I still do,
My Lost Romance...
[I'm not okay, I'm not okay,
My love is not okay,
Its hurting and pained,
Moaning and crying,
Never to stop these tears,
Never loved me all these years]
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
I'm caving, I cannot stand,
Through this torture you demand,
[I shall not love you]
It's like a whipping on my back,
Through my clothes and to my flesh,
[Tears of blood drip from my eyes]
Ripping through my skin,
Cutting through muscle,
Spattering blood,
I strain to stand against it,
The flood of pain that clutches my heart,
To grip and squeeze and rip me apart,
I can stand no longer,
My knees shall hit the floor,
And shatter with the last piece you left,
Of my heart,
I've misstepped in this dance,
It's lost, I'm lost,
My Lost Romance...
That says it all...and I place blame on no one...
xxxLaMerieexxx
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
The broken chain of My Lost Romance,
Is spiraling toward me,
Its sharp pointed edge,
And metal links,
Will break me, will carve me,
To shape a hole, a void so black,
[So deep, so deep I can't come back]
The rips and tears will sound aloud,
[My broken heart will cease to pound]
The end of me is near,
I feel it in the air,
Pain is ringing through my ears,
Along with My Lost Romance
[I'm lost I'm lost,
My love is lost,
It's broken and wilting,
Dying and withering,
Never to love me,
I've lost I've lost]
I've loved him forever,
Always with all of my heart,
He's a broken figure,
In the mirror their eyes,
To me he's a sculpture,
A masterpiece of lies,
One thing that held me,
To this world of ours,
[Hold me, hold me keep here]
But he won't love me,
[Love me, I love you, love me dear]
Now it's gone, the flame I saw,
Lost as a shadow far before dawn,
Lost and broken,
Much like me,
Departed and drifting,
Headed for the sea,
That was my one chance,
Now its gone forever more,
Gone with the wind,
My Lost Romance...
[I'm dying I'm dying,
My love is dying,
Its shattered and ruined,
Tattered and stained,
Never to accept me,
Nothing remains]
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
My Lost Romance,
My Lost Romance,
Ending far from my last chance,
Carving hole after hole,
Into my chest,
Ripping me apart,
Not destroying the rest,
It beats, It beats,
This heart of mine,
Though ruined and crippled,
A shriveled shrine,
To all that I've loved,
And the love I have for you,
It's dying Its dying,
But it still beats true.
I'll cry all my life,
For this loss I face,
But I cannot hate you,
[I will not hate you]
You've left a print,
A tread in my blood,
Though this love is lost,
[Though it never was]
I will love you,
I still do,
My Lost Romance...
[I'm not okay, I'm not okay,
My love is not okay,
Its hurting and pained,
Moaning and crying,
Never to stop these tears,
Never loved me all these years]
I find with the heat of time,
That all I wish for,
Cannot be found
And with this breath
On which I speak,
The doom of Romance,
Is at it's peak
I'm caving, I cannot stand,
Through this torture you demand,
[I shall not love you]
It's like a whipping on my back,
Through my clothes and to my flesh,
[Tears of blood drip from my eyes]
Ripping through my skin,
Cutting through muscle,
Spattering blood,
I strain to stand against it,
The flood of pain that clutches my heart,
To grip and squeeze and rip me apart,
I can stand no longer,
My knees shall hit the floor,
And shatter with the last piece you left,
Of my heart,
I've misstepped in this dance,
It's lost, I'm lost,
My Lost Romance...
That says it all...and I place blame on no one...
xxxLaMerieexxx
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Hurry Hurry
Okay so I don't have very long to write this...oh yeah!
--- Hatarunei
Okay so I'll write this now 'cause it's close to my showing and once Papa finds out it won't matter anymore. I'm prepared for this to be my last show. See I volunteered for the 'dark' clothing this time, 'cause I thought I could make it look good, right? What I didn't know was that I would have to dye my hair. But I was going to take it back and do my normal line instead but they would have given the line to Reva and I just can't have that. So I let them dye it. Now instead of it's normal dark blue with black streaks...it's all black. Solid black there's no color. I don't think Papa will even recognize me. And if he does I hope he waits till the end to freak out. I haven't been home since yesterday when they did it, and I'm not leaving until call time (about 7:00). So now that I've explained all this and I don't have to worry about it anymore I don't have to hide as carefully. I can talk to my brothers now, I know they won't tell Mama and Papa. And my sister should be okay with it too (she's dyed her hair before) Besides it isn't like I'll have it this way for very long. I can wash the dye out. It's just for the show. I look pretty much the same, my eyes are the same color (bright green like Papa's) and I won't have to wear contacts again like the other girls 'cause they match this time, finally. I think my Aunt will be happy I'm trying out her style. I kind of like it. If it's okay with Papa I want at least 2 black outfits. That's all, just 2. Think he'll be okay with that? ^_^ I've noticed all most all my posts are about Papa. But that's probably cause I love him so much! *smiles* I'm gonna go now and practice 'waltzing' (it's what they call walking with style) Bye bye!
It's Fun To Do The Things You Like,
Nei-Nei
--- Hatarunei
Okay so I'll write this now 'cause it's close to my showing and once Papa finds out it won't matter anymore. I'm prepared for this to be my last show. See I volunteered for the 'dark' clothing this time, 'cause I thought I could make it look good, right? What I didn't know was that I would have to dye my hair. But I was going to take it back and do my normal line instead but they would have given the line to Reva and I just can't have that. So I let them dye it. Now instead of it's normal dark blue with black streaks...it's all black. Solid black there's no color. I don't think Papa will even recognize me. And if he does I hope he waits till the end to freak out. I haven't been home since yesterday when they did it, and I'm not leaving until call time (about 7:00). So now that I've explained all this and I don't have to worry about it anymore I don't have to hide as carefully. I can talk to my brothers now, I know they won't tell Mama and Papa. And my sister should be okay with it too (she's dyed her hair before) Besides it isn't like I'll have it this way for very long. I can wash the dye out. It's just for the show. I look pretty much the same, my eyes are the same color (bright green like Papa's) and I won't have to wear contacts again like the other girls 'cause they match this time, finally. I think my Aunt will be happy I'm trying out her style. I kind of like it. If it's okay with Papa I want at least 2 black outfits. That's all, just 2. Think he'll be okay with that? ^_^ I've noticed all most all my posts are about Papa. But that's probably cause I love him so much! *smiles* I'm gonna go now and practice 'waltzing' (it's what they call walking with style) Bye bye!
It's Fun To Do The Things You Like,
Nei-Nei
Monday, November 06, 2006
^_^
Heeheehee, this is only my second post?
I think it should have been more.
Of course..........................................
Things have happened to prevent this.
Oh but the whole entire meaning of this post is...
I think it should have been more.
Of course..........................................
Things have happened to prevent this.
Oh but the whole entire meaning of this post is...
CONGRATULATIONS DEVONTE' AND DESTINY!!!!
^_^
^_^
I was going to wait for some else to do it...but I couldn't. It was just too exciting!! Their getting married, but I don't know when. So now that that's done. Akeno-kun is going to move!!! :( I'm very, very sad. My bestest friend in the whole wide world is leaving! Do you know where he is going? Me either. But his parents said they have to move 'cause Akeno-kun's dad's army people are moving to somewhere so he has to too. I want them to stay...but they can not. *sighs* this is very devastating....my Dad is trying to convince them not to leave, 'cause Akeno-kun's dad is one of his only friends. (Dad doesn't have a lot of them that I see) and Mom will lose her cooking partner, Akeno-kun's mama, they talk all the time and Akeno-kun comes over when she comes over. But they said they will try not to move too far. I hope this is so. I will be more sad if they move very very far away, then I won't see Akeno-kun and his little sister anymore.*sighs* On another note, my big brother (whom I recently found out isn't even really related to me, which is kind of sad) moved in with his girlfriend and that was last week. I haven't seen him since! I will have to tell his girlfriend she can't have him all to her self. I want him back. He was my brother first. And that gets to sound selfish 'cause I don't do that very often. (only when it comes to my brothers and sisters!) I bet you all know who's posting this now. Bet you didn't before, when I wasn't talking about the people I talk about all the time. How can I not talk about them though? I dunno. I have to go help my mom now so byebyes!
Keepin' Up With The Rest Of The World,
D.C. Nishi
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Sanctuary of Decadence
First, since most of you probably don't know what this word means.
Decadence-the act or process of falling into an inferior condition or state; deterioration; decay:
~This blog is about the deterioration of someones soul. After learning of an act of betrayal on their lovers part. We'll call the person falling apart, Seera, and the betrayer can be Raphael. Seera lives a happy life, thinking eventually she will marry Raphael as she is madly in love with him. One day, she comes home, to the house her and Raphael purchased two years before. As she walks into her house, she hears voices.Not just one voice, as she would have expected, Seera hears two voices. One belonging to her beloved Raphael. The other is a female voice. She thinks nothing of it and sets her things on a table in the living area. Thinking it's probably a family member she stays away from the room in which the voices are coming from. You know...family matters, not really her business. She walks past the room, about five minutes later, the wedding band encircling her finger gleaming under the bright lamp light of the hallway. She stops when she hears her name, and listens through the door. Here is what she hears:
"Raphael...don't you think-"
"No...you don't understand, I can't lose you."
"But perhaps...we should tell her...I kind of feel bad, doing all this behind her back"
"As do I..but it can't be helped. She'll get over it."
The female giggles, "Your horrible. But I suppose your right."
"I do wonder if perhaps she's daft."
"Well of course she is love!"
Both of them laugh, and it echoes through the door.
"No doubt she'll tell her brother. He'll flip."
"I'll fix that...don't worry about it."
"No...it's dangerous to bother him. I'll deal with it. You can handle her."
"Alright then."
Seera can't believe what she hears, shock runs over her face and leaves it's mark in her eyes as she pushes open the door. She looks at the face of her fiance' Raphael, and then to the mocking eyes of her best friend. She covers her face with her hands and bites her tongue. Denial finds her voice as she screams a sad no and runs out of the house, tears blurring her vision. Raphael gives chase, leaving his new love smiling with anticipation. As he catches up to Seera he grabs her arm whirling her to face him.
She screams at him, "Let me you go you lying bastard!!!"
He frowns and grips both her arms in his hands, "Somehow...I knew you would act like this. I thought you understood!!!"
"Understood? What the fuck am I supposed to be understanding!!??!"
"It wasn't clear? You are daft...I thought I made it perfectly clear that I don't love you..."
Her lips tremble, "Y-y-you what...?"
"Seera...I don't want to be with you,"
"How can you say that!?!?! You sick son of a bitch!?! How can you say that?!!"
"Because...it's true."
"You asshole!! How could you do this to me?!" She screams horrified, and sinks to the ground. She felt sick...foolish. But where were the clues. What hints had he given her, when he'd proposed three days before? Raphael kneels next to her. And takes her left hand in his.
"I'm sorry Seera." He kisses her hand, and gently slides the gleaming diamond off her finger.
"No!!! Give it back you bastard!! Give it back!!! You can't take it from me!! Give...it..baack" She balls swinging blindly in the air. He frowns down at her and turns to leave while she clutches her sides and rocks to keep her self from falling apart.
Over a course of the next few days, Seera cries her self to sleep. Having frequent nightmares and holding her sides so she doesn't rip apart. It is announced that Raphael is to be married. The tear through her body grows as she sits in her small sanctuary of decadence and struggles to hold her self together. Four days after Raphael's wedding, her older brother dies, and her ex-best friend comes to visit her.
"Seera...I had hoped to see you at the wedding."
"Get the hell away from me you backstabbing little bitch..." Seera answers dully, no emotion raising her voice.
"Why can't you be happy for us?!!?"
"Why..can't I..." Seera repeats mechanically and looks up at her ex-friend sadly. "I hate you..."
Her "friend" looks at her numbly, then glares. "Fine" She states, then lands a swift kick in Seera's side, "I hope you rot like your brother." Then she walks out.
For the next few month's Seera remains broken, only slightly holding herself together. To this day she still tries to keep from ripping in two. And in the times she is not contemplating revenge. She resides in her Sanctuary of Decadence, trying to replace the shards of her heart that flew around the earths core to melt with the love she had for Raphael.
I sincerely hope you are never hurt in anyway shape or form...
Trying to rebuild myself,
Seera Rein
Decadence-the act or process of falling into an inferior condition or state; deterioration; decay:
~This blog is about the deterioration of someones soul. After learning of an act of betrayal on their lovers part. We'll call the person falling apart, Seera, and the betrayer can be Raphael. Seera lives a happy life, thinking eventually she will marry Raphael as she is madly in love with him. One day, she comes home, to the house her and Raphael purchased two years before. As she walks into her house, she hears voices.Not just one voice, as she would have expected, Seera hears two voices. One belonging to her beloved Raphael. The other is a female voice. She thinks nothing of it and sets her things on a table in the living area. Thinking it's probably a family member she stays away from the room in which the voices are coming from. You know...family matters, not really her business. She walks past the room, about five minutes later, the wedding band encircling her finger gleaming under the bright lamp light of the hallway. She stops when she hears her name, and listens through the door. Here is what she hears:
"Raphael...don't you think-"
"No...you don't understand, I can't lose you."
"But perhaps...we should tell her...I kind of feel bad, doing all this behind her back"
"As do I..but it can't be helped. She'll get over it."
The female giggles, "Your horrible. But I suppose your right."
"I do wonder if perhaps she's daft."
"Well of course she is love!"
Both of them laugh, and it echoes through the door.
"No doubt she'll tell her brother. He'll flip."
"I'll fix that...don't worry about it."
"No...it's dangerous to bother him. I'll deal with it. You can handle her."
"Alright then."
Seera can't believe what she hears, shock runs over her face and leaves it's mark in her eyes as she pushes open the door. She looks at the face of her fiance' Raphael, and then to the mocking eyes of her best friend. She covers her face with her hands and bites her tongue. Denial finds her voice as she screams a sad no and runs out of the house, tears blurring her vision. Raphael gives chase, leaving his new love smiling with anticipation. As he catches up to Seera he grabs her arm whirling her to face him.
She screams at him, "Let me you go you lying bastard!!!"
He frowns and grips both her arms in his hands, "Somehow...I knew you would act like this. I thought you understood!!!"
"Understood? What the fuck am I supposed to be understanding!!??!"
"It wasn't clear? You are daft...I thought I made it perfectly clear that I don't love you..."
Her lips tremble, "Y-y-you what...?"
"Seera...I don't want to be with you,"
"How can you say that!?!?! You sick son of a bitch!?! How can you say that?!!"
"Because...it's true."
"You asshole!! How could you do this to me?!" She screams horrified, and sinks to the ground. She felt sick...foolish. But where were the clues. What hints had he given her, when he'd proposed three days before? Raphael kneels next to her. And takes her left hand in his.
"I'm sorry Seera." He kisses her hand, and gently slides the gleaming diamond off her finger.
"No!!! Give it back you bastard!! Give it back!!! You can't take it from me!! Give...it..baack" She balls swinging blindly in the air. He frowns down at her and turns to leave while she clutches her sides and rocks to keep her self from falling apart.
Over a course of the next few days, Seera cries her self to sleep. Having frequent nightmares and holding her sides so she doesn't rip apart. It is announced that Raphael is to be married. The tear through her body grows as she sits in her small sanctuary of decadence and struggles to hold her self together. Four days after Raphael's wedding, her older brother dies, and her ex-best friend comes to visit her.
"Seera...I had hoped to see you at the wedding."
"Get the hell away from me you backstabbing little bitch..." Seera answers dully, no emotion raising her voice.
"Why can't you be happy for us?!!?"
"Why..can't I..." Seera repeats mechanically and looks up at her ex-friend sadly. "I hate you..."
Her "friend" looks at her numbly, then glares. "Fine" She states, then lands a swift kick in Seera's side, "I hope you rot like your brother." Then she walks out.
For the next few month's Seera remains broken, only slightly holding herself together. To this day she still tries to keep from ripping in two. And in the times she is not contemplating revenge. She resides in her Sanctuary of Decadence, trying to replace the shards of her heart that flew around the earths core to melt with the love she had for Raphael.
I sincerely hope you are never hurt in anyway shape or form...
Trying to rebuild myself,
Seera Rein
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Meeting
Shifironodenmaru---
You probably already know what I'm doing here. I don't post unless told to, and Suya wants me to do it again, so I will. Though this time...I'm not quite sure what to write about. Last time I wrote about one of my first and only memories with my family. I could write about recent events, but that's not what she wants. Writing about being...what I was...would be hard. But that's what she wants me to write about I think. She didn't really give me anything to work with, no hints or anything. *sighs* I guess, writing about the past is necessary in order to get over it...not that what happened to me is something you get over at all. Though she seems to be doing alright...ahem. Anyway, here goes nothing...
"What's the matter, pet?"
"..."
"Speak truth. What is wrong?"
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Fine."
The mistress walked out of the cell, encasing me in the darkness that was the windowless, lightless 'room' I was confined to. I crawled over to the corner and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Absently I looked over the pile of blankets on the floor for my bed and the small silver bucket for my bathroom. I heard a sliding noise and looked over at the door, as a tray flew through the slit at the bottom. The tray of mush hit against the wall and flew everywhere, splattering me, and the wall with it's disgusting contents. Wiping off my face with the back of my hand I thought why they were feeding me now. Perhaps so I could feed them later.
"Shifiro?"
I smiled when I heard my name flow from the lips of the girl standing in the doorway. I looked up at her from where I sat taking her in.
"Suya. You were allowed here?"
"No. Master does not know, I had to give the guards...something."
"You have sacrificed more than needed."
"Not enough."
She came and sat next to me, and I felt bad for having her sit on the floor. She deserved so much better. She should have a nice soft chair to sit in, of even a couch. Something. She smiled at me, not daring to touch me however. I understood why, and kept my distance from her just the same. Should we touch, our scents would mix more, and her coming here would be evident to her Master. I did not enjoy the thought of her punishment.
"I'm glad you came."
"Me too."
"Have you eaten?"
"Have you?"
"No, but I'm not as important."
"Shifiro."
"Tis true."
She shook her head and looked around, frowning. I knew her room was much better conditions than mine. But she was also used for so much more than I was. I noticed then that her hair had been cut. I inquired softly on why that was. She held in a breath for a second and looked at me, her eyes suddenly glimmering with tears, and I regret asking. Before I could take back my question she spoke, ever so softly. Her voice filled with a haunting sorrow.
"Master said it got in his way...He ordered it cut..."
As she continued to explain, a great anger rose in me. An anger that I had never felt before, soon I was shaking with rage, and I felt my eyes flash a new color. She watched me, concerned, then smiled as she caught hold of my scent. One of a male needing revenge, needing to redeem those he loves. She took my hand then, and whispered softly. Calming me.
"It will grow back."
"That may be. But it doesn't put aside the fact tha-"
"Quiet. Do you hear that?"
I focused on her and listened closely to the hall outside. Footsteps. Not a good sign. The only people who came down this particular hall were the Mistress, her guests, and the guards. No one else. Suya's eyes went wide with fear, for her Master had taken a detour to find her.
"Suya..."
"It's alright Shifiro. I'll be okay. Just look at the wall."
"No I..."
Her Master entered the room then. Slamming the door back against the wall, glaring death. He stood about 6'10, with short blonde hair and baby blue eyes...well normally they were blue. Now they were tinged a dark red color, meaning he was either suffering from extreme hunger or he was a little mad.
"What are you doing here?"
"I apologize, Master."
"Get up."
Suya began shaking, fearful, and I tried to continue watching, just in case this as the last time I ever saw her. Everytime was the last time. She stood and went to him, head low, exposing the many bite marks along her neck. In a flash his hand went to her neck, picking her up from the ground, I heard her gasp and a growl rose in my throat. I balled my fists, resisting my sudden instincts. The Masters eyes snapped to mine and held them there. Momentarily paralyzed, I soon realized he was calling the Mistress.
"Maylene. Maylene, come look at your pet."
"Are you bothering him again, Qui?"
"No but he's bothering me. Again I have found them together."
Mistress joined the Master in the doorway, disapproval in her eyes. She shook her head, and I glanced at Suya, whose hands were gripping the Masters limply. She was running out of air, no doubt her eyes were glossing as well.
"Suya!"
Without thinking the words left my lips and I was at her side in seconds, pulling her from his grip. Just as quickly I was knocked back against the wall, and shrouded in darkness. The last thing I heard...
"S-shifiro..."
When I awoke I was in a new room. Though it was pitch black, I could tell by the way the room felt and smelled. I was also wearing clothes now, which bothered me for some reason. I groped around the small, incredibly small, room searching for anything. I then had the sense that I was moving, the walls were much too smooth. This could only mean one thing; I was being transferred. I would never see Suya again. Had I even saved her? Were my efforts in vain? Would I live to find out? I curled up into a ball and thought about what I would want on my death stone.
Shifironodenmaru
Age 8
"Taken By Love"
Of course I would never get one of those but if I did that's what I would want it to say. Whatever I was being moved in hit against something, slamming me up against the side. Willingly this time, I sank into further darkness.
Alright, that's it. You won't get another one of these for a while I hope...Farewell.
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
You probably already know what I'm doing here. I don't post unless told to, and Suya wants me to do it again, so I will. Though this time...I'm not quite sure what to write about. Last time I wrote about one of my first and only memories with my family. I could write about recent events, but that's not what she wants. Writing about being...what I was...would be hard. But that's what she wants me to write about I think. She didn't really give me anything to work with, no hints or anything. *sighs* I guess, writing about the past is necessary in order to get over it...not that what happened to me is something you get over at all. Though she seems to be doing alright...ahem. Anyway, here goes nothing...
"What's the matter, pet?"
"..."
"Speak truth. What is wrong?"
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Fine."
The mistress walked out of the cell, encasing me in the darkness that was the windowless, lightless 'room' I was confined to. I crawled over to the corner and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Absently I looked over the pile of blankets on the floor for my bed and the small silver bucket for my bathroom. I heard a sliding noise and looked over at the door, as a tray flew through the slit at the bottom. The tray of mush hit against the wall and flew everywhere, splattering me, and the wall with it's disgusting contents. Wiping off my face with the back of my hand I thought why they were feeding me now. Perhaps so I could feed them later.
"Shifiro?"
I smiled when I heard my name flow from the lips of the girl standing in the doorway. I looked up at her from where I sat taking her in.
"Suya. You were allowed here?"
"No. Master does not know, I had to give the guards...something."
"You have sacrificed more than needed."
"Not enough."
She came and sat next to me, and I felt bad for having her sit on the floor. She deserved so much better. She should have a nice soft chair to sit in, of even a couch. Something. She smiled at me, not daring to touch me however. I understood why, and kept my distance from her just the same. Should we touch, our scents would mix more, and her coming here would be evident to her Master. I did not enjoy the thought of her punishment.
"I'm glad you came."
"Me too."
"Have you eaten?"
"Have you?"
"No, but I'm not as important."
"Shifiro."
"Tis true."
She shook her head and looked around, frowning. I knew her room was much better conditions than mine. But she was also used for so much more than I was. I noticed then that her hair had been cut. I inquired softly on why that was. She held in a breath for a second and looked at me, her eyes suddenly glimmering with tears, and I regret asking. Before I could take back my question she spoke, ever so softly. Her voice filled with a haunting sorrow.
"Master said it got in his way...He ordered it cut..."
As she continued to explain, a great anger rose in me. An anger that I had never felt before, soon I was shaking with rage, and I felt my eyes flash a new color. She watched me, concerned, then smiled as she caught hold of my scent. One of a male needing revenge, needing to redeem those he loves. She took my hand then, and whispered softly. Calming me.
"It will grow back."
"That may be. But it doesn't put aside the fact tha-"
"Quiet. Do you hear that?"
I focused on her and listened closely to the hall outside. Footsteps. Not a good sign. The only people who came down this particular hall were the Mistress, her guests, and the guards. No one else. Suya's eyes went wide with fear, for her Master had taken a detour to find her.
"Suya..."
"It's alright Shifiro. I'll be okay. Just look at the wall."
"No I..."
Her Master entered the room then. Slamming the door back against the wall, glaring death. He stood about 6'10, with short blonde hair and baby blue eyes...well normally they were blue. Now they were tinged a dark red color, meaning he was either suffering from extreme hunger or he was a little mad.
"What are you doing here?"
"I apologize, Master."
"Get up."
Suya began shaking, fearful, and I tried to continue watching, just in case this as the last time I ever saw her. Everytime was the last time. She stood and went to him, head low, exposing the many bite marks along her neck. In a flash his hand went to her neck, picking her up from the ground, I heard her gasp and a growl rose in my throat. I balled my fists, resisting my sudden instincts. The Masters eyes snapped to mine and held them there. Momentarily paralyzed, I soon realized he was calling the Mistress.
"Maylene. Maylene, come look at your pet."
"Are you bothering him again, Qui?"
"No but he's bothering me. Again I have found them together."
Mistress joined the Master in the doorway, disapproval in her eyes. She shook her head, and I glanced at Suya, whose hands were gripping the Masters limply. She was running out of air, no doubt her eyes were glossing as well.
"Suya!"
Without thinking the words left my lips and I was at her side in seconds, pulling her from his grip. Just as quickly I was knocked back against the wall, and shrouded in darkness. The last thing I heard...
"S-shifiro..."
When I awoke I was in a new room. Though it was pitch black, I could tell by the way the room felt and smelled. I was also wearing clothes now, which bothered me for some reason. I groped around the small, incredibly small, room searching for anything. I then had the sense that I was moving, the walls were much too smooth. This could only mean one thing; I was being transferred. I would never see Suya again. Had I even saved her? Were my efforts in vain? Would I live to find out? I curled up into a ball and thought about what I would want on my death stone.
Shifironodenmaru
Age 8
"Taken By Love"
Of course I would never get one of those but if I did that's what I would want it to say. Whatever I was being moved in hit against something, slamming me up against the side. Willingly this time, I sank into further darkness.
Alright, that's it. You won't get another one of these for a while I hope...Farewell.
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Dear Pamondria,
This might make things worse. I hope it makes them better. I can tell you haven't been yourself since...her. So I will answer the question you continue to ask: "Why do you still look so sad when someone mentions her name?" Honestly Dria, I cannot stand having her name in my thoughts about you. Everytime I hear her name you come to my mind. This is because everyone is always comparing you to her. Saying somethings you do or say are just like her. I can't mix you two. It isn't right. I probably look sad because or a really stupid reason. Not because I still have feelings for her but because I feel...like...like I've betrayed her somehow. I told you it was a stupid reason. Anyway, to answer your question. My unneeded feeling of betraying her are becoming troublesome in the relationship I'm...no We're trying to have. I'm sorry about that. I'm hoping this helped, that it will take the confusion from your eyes and the sadness from your voice. I hope it will make you smile at me like before, hope that...I hope that it will allow you to trust me again. Now that I've written this I think I can say it. I don't want you to read this...though if you do it doesn't matter you'll already have heard these words.
I Love You, Dria.
Forgive Me,
Hirozuma
This might make things worse. I hope it makes them better. I can tell you haven't been yourself since...her. So I will answer the question you continue to ask: "Why do you still look so sad when someone mentions her name?" Honestly Dria, I cannot stand having her name in my thoughts about you. Everytime I hear her name you come to my mind. This is because everyone is always comparing you to her. Saying somethings you do or say are just like her. I can't mix you two. It isn't right. I probably look sad because or a really stupid reason. Not because I still have feelings for her but because I feel...like...like I've betrayed her somehow. I told you it was a stupid reason. Anyway, to answer your question. My unneeded feeling of betraying her are becoming troublesome in the relationship I'm...no We're trying to have. I'm sorry about that. I'm hoping this helped, that it will take the confusion from your eyes and the sadness from your voice. I hope it will make you smile at me like before, hope that...I hope that it will allow you to trust me again. Now that I've written this I think I can say it. I don't want you to read this...though if you do it doesn't matter you'll already have heard these words.
I Love You, Dria.
Forgive Me,
Hirozuma
Dear Everyone, but mostly no one,
I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe I just need to. But it's probably the fever. You know nothing here smells like her. Nothing compares to her scent..or scents. The sweet smell of plum from her hair. The unique and curious scent of mint and cinnamon from her skin. Or the lovely perfume of cherry blossoms from her lips. Then there are her eyes, how the drift along blessing everything with her gaze. The way her eyes instantly change their emotion. It makes her so unpredictable. Is it so strange that I know these things about her? That I've begun to dream her voice? Perhaps she's talking to me while I sleep and her voice floats to my dreams. But I don't think so because I can hear her voice in the halls. Her sweet lilting voice singing ever so softly. Do you think me crazy? For knowing what makes her eyes glossen with fear? Or what makes them glimmer with joy, and darken with sadness? How her eyes captivate me. Perhaps she is right. Maybe we will get married. Though if we don't I sincerely hope she doesn't leave me. I don't know how I survived before her.
Losing My Mind To Her,
Osumaru
I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe I just need to. But it's probably the fever. You know nothing here smells like her. Nothing compares to her scent..or scents. The sweet smell of plum from her hair. The unique and curious scent of mint and cinnamon from her skin. Or the lovely perfume of cherry blossoms from her lips. Then there are her eyes, how the drift along blessing everything with her gaze. The way her eyes instantly change their emotion. It makes her so unpredictable. Is it so strange that I know these things about her? That I've begun to dream her voice? Perhaps she's talking to me while I sleep and her voice floats to my dreams. But I don't think so because I can hear her voice in the halls. Her sweet lilting voice singing ever so softly. Do you think me crazy? For knowing what makes her eyes glossen with fear? Or what makes them glimmer with joy, and darken with sadness? How her eyes captivate me. Perhaps she is right. Maybe we will get married. Though if we don't I sincerely hope she doesn't leave me. I don't know how I survived before her.
Losing My Mind To Her,
Osumaru
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Dead Love
I know I said I'd tell you about my life piece by piece but I think these are the most important things I can say about it:
~I lost someone...a long time ago. Other then my mother. It was after that. I told you about Angel right? WEll we were friends, back then he had an older brother. I would talk to Angel all the time...he was my comfort, my support. After my life plummeted to hell. I would go to his house everyday, all day whenever I can. At first it was to seek solace. But after a while, I fell for his older brother Michael, who would comfort me when Angel was gone. We were close after a year of constant contact. Almost a classic love story right? He loved me and I loved him. But I had abandoned Angel. Though we remained friends. One day, Michael was taking me to see my parents, at their graves. He said something that caused more sadness and wasn't intended. We got into an argument over something petty and the next day I wouldn't talk to him. So I sought Angel's comfort. He talked me into speaking with his brother again. So I went to find him, when I did find him he was in his room muttering. Most likely sending up prayer, and saying how sorry he was for upsetting me. I was about to say something when he said he could never forgive himself for murdering my family. I took him literally, thinking he really killed my father, and perhaps even my mother. Although I knew she'd taken her own life. So, being in the emotional state that I was in I freaked out. I asked him how he could do such a thing. We got into another fight...I hit him multiple times causing a bloody lip. He refused to fight back, and I didn't stop. In the end...I killed him, and he hadn't touched me once. I stared down at him...loathing written on my face mixed with other emotions. Angel chose then to walk into the room. He saw his brother dead on the floor, took one look at me and broke down. I ran...going to the darkest place I knew. It was two days later that I discovered what Michael had meant. He had been with my father when he was killed. Michael felt responsible for the murder, and thus the death of my mother. He'd felt bad because he couldn't do anything to prevent it. I killed Michael for caring. Horror swept over me quickly and I detached myself from the world for the next four days. I went to Michaels funeral the fifth day and placed a black rose on his casket. The next day I took my life.~
--Two years later I was reborn. In a week I reunited with Angel. He was with a new family and had a little sister. After a short while I fell for him like I had his brother. Though soon he remembered the pain I had caused him, how it was my fault that his family broke apart. He blamed me for everything and cast me away--
Now, I no longer see him. He won't look at me. Don't ask about times and how long ago this all is...I couldn't tell you.
The feelings after death surrender to nothing,
Loraina Kiarwa
~I lost someone...a long time ago. Other then my mother. It was after that. I told you about Angel right? WEll we were friends, back then he had an older brother. I would talk to Angel all the time...he was my comfort, my support. After my life plummeted to hell. I would go to his house everyday, all day whenever I can. At first it was to seek solace. But after a while, I fell for his older brother Michael, who would comfort me when Angel was gone. We were close after a year of constant contact. Almost a classic love story right? He loved me and I loved him. But I had abandoned Angel. Though we remained friends. One day, Michael was taking me to see my parents, at their graves. He said something that caused more sadness and wasn't intended. We got into an argument over something petty and the next day I wouldn't talk to him. So I sought Angel's comfort. He talked me into speaking with his brother again. So I went to find him, when I did find him he was in his room muttering. Most likely sending up prayer, and saying how sorry he was for upsetting me. I was about to say something when he said he could never forgive himself for murdering my family. I took him literally, thinking he really killed my father, and perhaps even my mother. Although I knew she'd taken her own life. So, being in the emotional state that I was in I freaked out. I asked him how he could do such a thing. We got into another fight...I hit him multiple times causing a bloody lip. He refused to fight back, and I didn't stop. In the end...I killed him, and he hadn't touched me once. I stared down at him...loathing written on my face mixed with other emotions. Angel chose then to walk into the room. He saw his brother dead on the floor, took one look at me and broke down. I ran...going to the darkest place I knew. It was two days later that I discovered what Michael had meant. He had been with my father when he was killed. Michael felt responsible for the murder, and thus the death of my mother. He'd felt bad because he couldn't do anything to prevent it. I killed Michael for caring. Horror swept over me quickly and I detached myself from the world for the next four days. I went to Michaels funeral the fifth day and placed a black rose on his casket. The next day I took my life.~
--Two years later I was reborn. In a week I reunited with Angel. He was with a new family and had a little sister. After a short while I fell for him like I had his brother. Though soon he remembered the pain I had caused him, how it was my fault that his family broke apart. He blamed me for everything and cast me away--
Now, I no longer see him. He won't look at me. Don't ask about times and how long ago this all is...I couldn't tell you.
The feelings after death surrender to nothing,
Loraina Kiarwa
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
How long
I will tell you who I am at the then end of this post. I just thought I should say something...or do something. Because no one knows me or anything. Except Angel. But he doesn't talk to me anymore. But it's fine. How long does it take people to know you exactly? Hm...Maybe I'll tell you about my life. So then, you can say "Hey...I've read about her." When you hear my name. Okay? Uh...I won't start from the beggining that would take much too long. I'll just write about the "highlights" in my life. So I'll start from about 10 years ago. When I first met Angel.
~"Lora..? Lora... wake up honey." my mom spoke from above my bed. It was raining outside, my favorite kind of weather, until then. I looked up at my mothers face. Tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes puffy from her obvious crying. I sat bolt upright, looking her in the eyes and half already knowing what she would say. "What's wrong mama?" I asked, dread circling my heart. "I-it's your father baby...I'm afraid..." she broke out in tears then, and she didn't have to say anymore.
The next week we went to his funeral. She never told me how he died, or where or when. I wasn't sure I wanted to know at that point. I looked up at the sky while my grandpa spoke over father's casket. I looked up at the sky, hoping the sun would wash away my doubts, and worries. They didn't. Turning my head I saw a little boy. His hair was down to his waist, and he sat in a tree staring curiously at me. Looking around I walked over to the tree, wiping my face before looking up at him once more. "H-hello" I said smiling sadly. "Hey" he replied. "Who are you?" I blinked staring at him. "Angelo. But you can call me Angel" He smiled at me then, the most reassuring thing I'd seen in all my life. Though being six it hadn't been that long. He hopped down from the tree and stood infront of me. "How old are you?" I asked. "9" he told me. I nodded. "Wanna be friends?" I tilted my head to the side, the way I'd seen my sister do. "Sure." He stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
6 months later, my mother commited suicide. It was May 18th. Two days after my 7th birthday. We held her funeral a week from that date, and Angel was there. To comfort me. Telling me he knew how it felt. After that day, I never left his side for moment.~
I'll write about the most important parts of my life. One year at a time, every time I post. So then you'll know why I'm the way I am now. I suppose you could call it a kind of auto biography. *shrugs* But I'm sure most of you won't really care much about my life. That's really all I have to talk about right now. I could tell you many a tragic story. For my life is full of them...but I won't yet.
Love to the strangers,
~Loraina Kiarwa~
~"Lora..? Lora... wake up honey." my mom spoke from above my bed. It was raining outside, my favorite kind of weather, until then. I looked up at my mothers face. Tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes puffy from her obvious crying. I sat bolt upright, looking her in the eyes and half already knowing what she would say. "What's wrong mama?" I asked, dread circling my heart. "I-it's your father baby...I'm afraid..." she broke out in tears then, and she didn't have to say anymore.
The next week we went to his funeral. She never told me how he died, or where or when. I wasn't sure I wanted to know at that point. I looked up at the sky while my grandpa spoke over father's casket. I looked up at the sky, hoping the sun would wash away my doubts, and worries. They didn't. Turning my head I saw a little boy. His hair was down to his waist, and he sat in a tree staring curiously at me. Looking around I walked over to the tree, wiping my face before looking up at him once more. "H-hello" I said smiling sadly. "Hey" he replied. "Who are you?" I blinked staring at him. "Angelo. But you can call me Angel" He smiled at me then, the most reassuring thing I'd seen in all my life. Though being six it hadn't been that long. He hopped down from the tree and stood infront of me. "How old are you?" I asked. "9" he told me. I nodded. "Wanna be friends?" I tilted my head to the side, the way I'd seen my sister do. "Sure." He stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
6 months later, my mother commited suicide. It was May 18th. Two days after my 7th birthday. We held her funeral a week from that date, and Angel was there. To comfort me. Telling me he knew how it felt. After that day, I never left his side for moment.~
I'll write about the most important parts of my life. One year at a time, every time I post. So then you'll know why I'm the way I am now. I suppose you could call it a kind of auto biography. *shrugs* But I'm sure most of you won't really care much about my life. That's really all I have to talk about right now. I could tell you many a tragic story. For my life is full of them...but I won't yet.
Love to the strangers,
~Loraina Kiarwa~
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Never Realized...
----- Ryojin
It's hard to see things as they truly are until they are snapped into perspective by some great event. What I mean is I never realized how small I really am until earlier today. My Mother is small, short. My Father is quite tall compared to me. My other form is the biggest out of my brothers and sisters, but...I thoroughly deserve the title 'pup' compared to my Father. My sisters were testing their other forms earlier when they had the brilliant idea to ask dad to change for them. Of course he said no. But they pulled out the big guns (Tesu) and he finally agreed. It took only a few seconds, even my Mother was amazed at the sheer size. My brothers and I had initial instinct to cower at first. My sisters stood there in awe, and my Mother, she smiled. She smiled and sat beside him when he lie down. It was quite a scene. Though now I understand why my Father laughs when we talk about who's stronger than who and who is bigger. Because we had no idea. When he changed back, my brother asked him why he never changes. My father said he didn't enjoy that form as much as his human one, and I understand. My little sister however, enjoys the form a lot. She has a lot more freedom then. I'm sure she'll tell you about it herself eventually. I will never forget this day.
Taking Time,
Ryojin 'Kyosera'
----- Shiroi
I know my brother told you about what happened today already, but I had to voice it as well. Because....Holy crap. I could not believe my eyes. We're going to see if Uncle Shunukasun will do it next. Then Uncle Lie, or Uncle Hito. We want to see how small we are compared to them. Normally I don't want any attention drawn to how short I am, but now I want to know. Just how small am I? I was almost scared standing next to my dad in his other form. He towered over me by like fifty feet. I could be exaggerating. But who cares. I know what I saw. It was so cool anyway. There's food cooking. Peace.
Lovin' Family,
Shiroi 'Kyosera'
It's hard to see things as they truly are until they are snapped into perspective by some great event. What I mean is I never realized how small I really am until earlier today. My Mother is small, short. My Father is quite tall compared to me. My other form is the biggest out of my brothers and sisters, but...I thoroughly deserve the title 'pup' compared to my Father. My sisters were testing their other forms earlier when they had the brilliant idea to ask dad to change for them. Of course he said no. But they pulled out the big guns (Tesu) and he finally agreed. It took only a few seconds, even my Mother was amazed at the sheer size. My brothers and I had initial instinct to cower at first. My sisters stood there in awe, and my Mother, she smiled. She smiled and sat beside him when he lie down. It was quite a scene. Though now I understand why my Father laughs when we talk about who's stronger than who and who is bigger. Because we had no idea. When he changed back, my brother asked him why he never changes. My father said he didn't enjoy that form as much as his human one, and I understand. My little sister however, enjoys the form a lot. She has a lot more freedom then. I'm sure she'll tell you about it herself eventually. I will never forget this day.
Taking Time,
Ryojin 'Kyosera'
----- Shiroi
I know my brother told you about what happened today already, but I had to voice it as well. Because....Holy crap. I could not believe my eyes. We're going to see if Uncle Shunukasun will do it next. Then Uncle Lie, or Uncle Hito. We want to see how small we are compared to them. Normally I don't want any attention drawn to how short I am, but now I want to know. Just how small am I? I was almost scared standing next to my dad in his other form. He towered over me by like fifty feet. I could be exaggerating. But who cares. I know what I saw. It was so cool anyway. There's food cooking. Peace.
Lovin' Family,
Shiroi 'Kyosera'
Monday, October 02, 2006
The Situation...
Here's the situation:
Your walking down a path, your boyfriend is following you protectively (not stalkerish) and you come accross your Ex. You stop and chat with him, then continue on your way. Your boyfrined stops and chats with him as well and continues to follow you. The next day you travel down the same path and see your Ex again. You repeat yesterdays events. But when your boyfriend talks to him you hear a snap and one set of footsteps continuing. You look back and see the only your boyfriend is left. You ask him about it later and he says "I don't know where he went." What do you do?
Me personally, I'm used to it. He does this all the time. Of course today was just....unessecary. He took out his frustration on someone who didn't deserve it. It's just plain rude if you ask me. However, I won't say anything more about it. Matter of fact...nevermind.
Sexy Love,
Arelav
Your walking down a path, your boyfriend is following you protectively (not stalkerish) and you come accross your Ex. You stop and chat with him, then continue on your way. Your boyfrined stops and chats with him as well and continues to follow you. The next day you travel down the same path and see your Ex again. You repeat yesterdays events. But when your boyfriend talks to him you hear a snap and one set of footsteps continuing. You look back and see the only your boyfriend is left. You ask him about it later and he says "I don't know where he went." What do you do?
Me personally, I'm used to it. He does this all the time. Of course today was just....unessecary. He took out his frustration on someone who didn't deserve it. It's just plain rude if you ask me. However, I won't say anything more about it. Matter of fact...nevermind.
Sexy Love,
Arelav
Monday, September 25, 2006
A Tour of my Heart
I really shouldn't be here...not by myself. It's not healthy anymore. I need someone. To stay with me all the time. Phury does. But he's not here now...next to me. Holding my hand. That's because he can't be while I'm here. The most he can do at this point is talk to me. I came because I wanted to read something....that's important to me now. It wasn't before. In fact, some one could've burned it and I wouldn't have given so much as a second glance. But now...now I need it. It's one of my ties to reality. *sighs* If you know me...you understand the reason for that. If you don't...you'll have to get along not knowing. I wrote a poem earlier, it's odd. I don't really like it. But it helped me a little. And compelled me to write to the world...like I'm currently doing. Would you like to read it? Like I said, it kind of suck, because I'm not one for poetry. But bear with me please:
R.I.P Riukuru
I send my love to paradise,
Rioriki Lee Fe Tazuna
A Tour of my Heart
My heart aches to be with you,
I just can't see me without you,
At this point in my life,
I wish only to hear you,
To argue,
To be wanted by you,
My mind swirls in the loss,
Once my love, now my pain,
I don't think it will ever be the same,
Without you near me,
I can only stare blankly,
~I sing this song in the name of my love,
The one I lost to a chaotic soul,
I sing this song as my heart floats above,
I can't help but lose all control,
I will extend this invitation,
To a tour of my heart,
~I can't say goodbye,
Not yet, not now,
Only you can satisfy,
The quick pounding of my heart,
For now, I'll just fall apart,
This must punishment,
For what I've done, what I am,
The ultimate judgment,
By burning my heart,
As only a death can,
I can't take the pain,
Not by myself, not alone,
I can't stand the rain,
With you I found a home,
~I sing this song in the name of my love,
The one I lost to a chaotic soul,
I sing this song as my heart floats above,
I can't help but lose all control,
I will extend this invitation,
To a tour of my heart,
~Two things keep me here,
Two things I hold dear,
For the rest of my life,
They promised to help me through this strife,
One lies within me,
The other is by my side,
One of them you gave me,
The other one stands by,
This impossible heart ache,
Threatens to devour me,
This insatiable need to see you,
Torments me,
I was happy once,
As I hope to be again,
They tell it's what you'd want,
Should I believe them?
~This torrent wind pulls at my mind,
I may lose myself to your death in time,
But as you once said,
"I can't live my life dead"
So I will survive with your voice in my head,
And my heart will remain,
Cold and still in the rain,
Which reminds me of you,
And all that you do,
For to me you still live,
As you once truly did,
And I'll smile for a while,
When I see your face in my dreams,
And live in this world,
Desolate as it may be,
~I sing this song in the name of my love,
The one I lost to a chaotic soul,
I sing this song as my heart floats above,
I can't help but lose all control,
I will extend this invitation,
To a tour of my heart...
~Rioriki Lee Fe Tazuna~
I hope Phury stays with me...I don't know how we would survive without him. Yes, I know I said we...you can figure that out your self. I also hope ~Riukuru~ is happy where he is. *smiles*
R.I.P Riukuru
I send my love to paradise,
Rioriki Lee Fe Tazuna
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
How is this at all possible?
--Naname'--
Now people...you may wonder...what the hell is she talking about?! That, I will explain in a matter of moments. But first, I have to tell you that I am extremely irritated by people who think they know it all but when I say all...I mean ALL. I'm talking about the people who believe everything they do, and everything they say...is right. Never wrong but always and forever right. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!!! I mean unless your the creator of the universe, and you know all the answers to lifes questions. Then you don't know everything!!! Trust me...it's true. Now, to the point. Not only is there someone like that at my host's school. But there's someone like that in the pack!! They just don't admit they're wrong. Like ever! I swear it pisses me off. Not only that but the dude thinks he's the toughest nut to crack. No one can beat him or hurt him or anything. You know why? Because he knows everything...and I'm the master of the underworld. *rolls her eyes* Like that would ever happen. Not only is he a know it all...but he frightens me. The guys sadistic... he's always got some kind of sharp object with him. And he seems to like to show it off to me. I hate it, it scares me. It makes me want to jump under a boulder and hide there the rest of my life. I told Lord Darius about it, but he said he allows weapons within the pack. And if he took that guys away, he'd have to take everbodies. And then it would be never ending chaos. He's got a point. I can't be mad at the guy for wanting to be my friend and all, but I get the feeling that if I let him to close he'll skin me. Or something. The way he holds it seems like a threat. I'm not good with stuff like that...not since my brothers...Anyway, the guys weird. But he's part of the pack *sighs* I have to accept him. I think I need a body gaurd. How is it possible for someone to be so freaking nuts?!!! On a better note I have a dancing partner I don't know for how long, but still! The Scholars cool, I think his real name is Osumaru but I call him Scholar. He's younger then me. But I like him, he's not retarded or immature. And really, he's not that much younger then me. Hehehehehe. I just met him like a few weeks ago. We're friends now! Weee *smiles* lol anyway. I'm out of this joint. Hehe j/k.
Love Always,
Naname' (nah-nah-may(or nah-nah-meh))
P.S. I think the know it all psycho guy should meet the Scholar. Maybe it'll help his sanity a bit more. lol
Now people...you may wonder...what the hell is she talking about?! That, I will explain in a matter of moments. But first, I have to tell you that I am extremely irritated by people who think they know it all but when I say all...I mean ALL. I'm talking about the people who believe everything they do, and everything they say...is right. Never wrong but always and forever right. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!!! I mean unless your the creator of the universe, and you know all the answers to lifes questions. Then you don't know everything!!! Trust me...it's true. Now, to the point. Not only is there someone like that at my host's school. But there's someone like that in the pack!! They just don't admit they're wrong. Like ever! I swear it pisses me off. Not only that but the dude thinks he's the toughest nut to crack. No one can beat him or hurt him or anything. You know why? Because he knows everything...and I'm the master of the underworld. *rolls her eyes* Like that would ever happen. Not only is he a know it all...but he frightens me. The guys sadistic... he's always got some kind of sharp object with him. And he seems to like to show it off to me. I hate it, it scares me. It makes me want to jump under a boulder and hide there the rest of my life. I told Lord Darius about it, but he said he allows weapons within the pack. And if he took that guys away, he'd have to take everbodies. And then it would be never ending chaos. He's got a point. I can't be mad at the guy for wanting to be my friend and all, but I get the feeling that if I let him to close he'll skin me. Or something. The way he holds it seems like a threat. I'm not good with stuff like that...not since my brothers...Anyway, the guys weird. But he's part of the pack *sighs* I have to accept him. I think I need a body gaurd. How is it possible for someone to be so freaking nuts?!!! On a better note I have a dancing partner I don't know for how long, but still! The Scholars cool, I think his real name is Osumaru but I call him Scholar. He's younger then me. But I like him, he's not retarded or immature. And really, he's not that much younger then me. Hehehehehe. I just met him like a few weeks ago. We're friends now! Weee *smiles* lol anyway. I'm out of this joint. Hehe j/k.
Love Always,
Naname' (nah-nah-may(or nah-nah-meh))
P.S. I think the know it all psycho guy should meet the Scholar. Maybe it'll help his sanity a bit more. lol
Monday, September 18, 2006
Suya Said...
This is probably a huges mistake....the Masters will find out about this somehow and be angry with me...but Suya said it was okay....she said I should...so I suppose....She said I'm supposed to write about my past so it wasn't torturing my mind. I don't think it is...but I'll listen to her. I don't know how to start...Hm...I know.
December 19
"If you do it, I'll leave."
"No you won't, boy stop lying."
"I'm completely serious, dad. I'll leave."
"Isaac..perhaps...he is serious.."
"Nonsense, Kane."
"It isn't nonsense, dad!"
"You see? He's not kidding."
"We'll see then, Arden. We'll see."
"Hmph."
The voices of my Father, my Mother, and my older brother echoed through the hallways into my room. Their comtemplation of this painful matter kept me awake. Of course when conserning me, nothing is simple. Everyone has sacrificed something for me, has even given away their most precious belonging to spare me...except for my Father. He has given nothing, yet taken so much. I begin crying, self hatred washing through me once again, for causing m family so much distress. Arden comes quickly to my room. He lifts me from my bed, with one arm.
"Stop crying, Noden. It's not your fault."
"It is..."
"It is not. Stop blaming yourself right now."
"O-okay.."
I choke back my tears and wipe my face, he smiles at me. I notice he's missing two of his front teeth. I tentatively ask him what happened. He explains that he lost them in a fight. I'll be it was because of me. He sets me down again and leans against me bed, pushing his oddly long blonde hair behind his ear.
"Can you sleep now, Noden?"
"Will you stay untill I do?"
"Yeah, I can do that."
He sta on the edge of my bed and decided to hum a song he wrote for me at that moment. I fell asleep quickly, so I know not how long he was there. But I'm sure it was a while because one day he told me how he enjoys watching me sleep. The next day I woke to the sound of Arden screaming at the top of his lungs. It hurt his throat I could tell. My Mother spoke next when he stopped.
"Arden, baby please. There's nothing we can do. We need the money..."
"So your going to sell my baby brother?! He's not even a year old!"
"I know...this isn't easy for me either..."
"But your going to allow it! Your going to let them take him! Just snatch him from our lives and act like he was never there? Don't you think he might remember us?!"
"He's too young to remember this..."
"How would you know? You don't talk to him! You don't even tuck him in at night. Your not by his side when he cries! You act like you don't recognize his face when you see him!"
"Arden...please..."
As I sat up, tears beginning to fill my eyes, I heard my Fathers voice boom throughout the house. I flinched, quietly, I had to see. I had to know. I had to see their faces one last time. I climbed out of bed and padded down the hall, to the kitchen where they held every argument.
"Your not making this any easier, Arden."
"So!? Your selling your own flesh and blood."
"Oh my god...we're horrible people..."
My Mother began to cry, bloody tears escaped her eyes, falling through the curtain of snow white hair that framed her face. My big brother glared at her briefely, before realizing that she too, was feeling quite upset about this. That his true enemy was only Father.
"Your trying to tear us all apart aren't you?"
"Why would I be trying to tear apart my own family?"
"Your giving up both of your sons. And slowly killing your wife. You tell me."
"Stop talking."
My Father turned and stalked out of the room ending the conversation. Arden turned to my Mother and spoke softly. Questioning when they were coming to take me. She spoke quietly as well, he looked over at me.
"Go get dressed."
"What for, Arden?"
"Now, Noden."
I nodded briskly and rushed off to my room, changing as uickly as possible. He came in a few moments later, stuffing money into my pocket. He beckoned me to follow him, after I had put on my shoes. He stopped at the kitchen doorway, where Mother stood, holding our coats, holding back tears.
"Good luck, I love you both."
"I love you too, mom."
"I love you Shifiro. I'm sorry."
"I love you too, Mother.."
She gave us our coats and kissed us quickly, before turning away. She couldn't handle watching us leave. I knew I walked slowly, but never slowly enough for Arden to pick me up and run with me. He ran briskly, making no sound. When he stopped his eyes were blank, aimless.
"Brother?"
"I love you, Noden."
"A-Arden?"
Before I knew it I was ripped from my brothers arms. By someone much larger, stronger than him. I screamed his name, when I began drifting from him, the part between us becoming greater and greater. I heard him say my name before e too disappeared. Nothing left of him but my memoiries from that day forward. Nothing left to do but sink down into complete submission. A numbness beyond death. That is my mind.
That's all I have to write about...I suppose I'm done now...
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
December 19
"If you do it, I'll leave."
"No you won't, boy stop lying."
"I'm completely serious, dad. I'll leave."
"Isaac..perhaps...he is serious.."
"Nonsense, Kane."
"It isn't nonsense, dad!"
"You see? He's not kidding."
"We'll see then, Arden. We'll see."
"Hmph."
The voices of my Father, my Mother, and my older brother echoed through the hallways into my room. Their comtemplation of this painful matter kept me awake. Of course when conserning me, nothing is simple. Everyone has sacrificed something for me, has even given away their most precious belonging to spare me...except for my Father. He has given nothing, yet taken so much. I begin crying, self hatred washing through me once again, for causing m family so much distress. Arden comes quickly to my room. He lifts me from my bed, with one arm.
"Stop crying, Noden. It's not your fault."
"It is..."
"It is not. Stop blaming yourself right now."
"O-okay.."
I choke back my tears and wipe my face, he smiles at me. I notice he's missing two of his front teeth. I tentatively ask him what happened. He explains that he lost them in a fight. I'll be it was because of me. He sets me down again and leans against me bed, pushing his oddly long blonde hair behind his ear.
"Can you sleep now, Noden?"
"Will you stay untill I do?"
"Yeah, I can do that."
He sta on the edge of my bed and decided to hum a song he wrote for me at that moment. I fell asleep quickly, so I know not how long he was there. But I'm sure it was a while because one day he told me how he enjoys watching me sleep. The next day I woke to the sound of Arden screaming at the top of his lungs. It hurt his throat I could tell. My Mother spoke next when he stopped.
"Arden, baby please. There's nothing we can do. We need the money..."
"So your going to sell my baby brother?! He's not even a year old!"
"I know...this isn't easy for me either..."
"But your going to allow it! Your going to let them take him! Just snatch him from our lives and act like he was never there? Don't you think he might remember us?!"
"He's too young to remember this..."
"How would you know? You don't talk to him! You don't even tuck him in at night. Your not by his side when he cries! You act like you don't recognize his face when you see him!"
"Arden...please..."
As I sat up, tears beginning to fill my eyes, I heard my Fathers voice boom throughout the house. I flinched, quietly, I had to see. I had to know. I had to see their faces one last time. I climbed out of bed and padded down the hall, to the kitchen where they held every argument.
"Your not making this any easier, Arden."
"So!? Your selling your own flesh and blood."
"Oh my god...we're horrible people..."
My Mother began to cry, bloody tears escaped her eyes, falling through the curtain of snow white hair that framed her face. My big brother glared at her briefely, before realizing that she too, was feeling quite upset about this. That his true enemy was only Father.
"Your trying to tear us all apart aren't you?"
"Why would I be trying to tear apart my own family?"
"Your giving up both of your sons. And slowly killing your wife. You tell me."
"Stop talking."
My Father turned and stalked out of the room ending the conversation. Arden turned to my Mother and spoke softly. Questioning when they were coming to take me. She spoke quietly as well, he looked over at me.
"Go get dressed."
"What for, Arden?"
"Now, Noden."
I nodded briskly and rushed off to my room, changing as uickly as possible. He came in a few moments later, stuffing money into my pocket. He beckoned me to follow him, after I had put on my shoes. He stopped at the kitchen doorway, where Mother stood, holding our coats, holding back tears.
"Good luck, I love you both."
"I love you too, mom."
"I love you Shifiro. I'm sorry."
"I love you too, Mother.."
She gave us our coats and kissed us quickly, before turning away. She couldn't handle watching us leave. I knew I walked slowly, but never slowly enough for Arden to pick me up and run with me. He ran briskly, making no sound. When he stopped his eyes were blank, aimless.
"Brother?"
"I love you, Noden."
"A-Arden?"
Before I knew it I was ripped from my brothers arms. By someone much larger, stronger than him. I screamed his name, when I began drifting from him, the part between us becoming greater and greater. I heard him say my name before e too disappeared. Nothing left of him but my memoiries from that day forward. Nothing left to do but sink down into complete submission. A numbness beyond death. That is my mind.
That's all I have to write about...I suppose I'm done now...
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Reva
-_-_-_-_- Hatarunei
Her post get's an icky color, 'cause I don't like her. I mean I REALLY don't like her. She's mean, rude, inconsiderate, and in my way. She goes to my school and she thinks she knows more than me 'cause her dad is in the army. Excuse me, MY DAD OWNS THE ARMY! She thinks she's oh so smart. Miss I'm-gonna -insult-you-and-then-ask-you-to-play-with-me. Yeah right! She said my dad was 'a misuse of authority' I don't know what that means but, I'm insulted. I'm gonna get my cousins on her. I have enough to take her out. Ryo, Yoko, Nami, Shiroi, Kyara, Tara, Ryuu, Jun-Tei, Kei-Tei, Leiko, and if I wait till Auntie Sora and Auntie Nae have their kids I'll have even more for her destruction! I can hear the drums of war sounding. I Will Take Her Out.
She has To Pay,
Hatarunei Kanjiru
Her post get's an icky color, 'cause I don't like her. I mean I REALLY don't like her. She's mean, rude, inconsiderate, and in my way. She goes to my school and she thinks she knows more than me 'cause her dad is in the army. Excuse me, MY DAD OWNS THE ARMY! She thinks she's oh so smart. Miss I'm-gonna -insult-you-and-then-ask-you-to-play-with-me. Yeah right! She said my dad was 'a misuse of authority' I don't know what that means but, I'm insulted. I'm gonna get my cousins on her. I have enough to take her out. Ryo, Yoko, Nami, Shiroi, Kyara, Tara, Ryuu, Jun-Tei, Kei-Tei, Leiko, and if I wait till Auntie Sora and Auntie Nae have their kids I'll have even more for her destruction! I can hear the drums of war sounding. I Will Take Her Out.
She has To Pay,
Hatarunei Kanjiru
Saturday, September 09, 2006
My Boyfriend Left Me for My Sister.
Niva---
Hey flowers! How is everything? Don't worry about the title my boyfriend didn't leave me for my sister. Actually my boyfriend doesn't pay any attention to her unless she's crying or inturrupting something. But that's different. So anyway earlier today I was walking around and I found a 'wallet' of money! It was awesome luck. It had like $500 in it. So I took it and bought some new clothes and a new pair of cresent blades. They are so awesome. Of course I bought my sister some stuff too. I know your alll thinking "All of that must have cost you more than $500." But actually it didn't. Can you say 'Discount'? lol I didn't buy anything for full price. But I got top quality. God I love my line of work. You get so many benefits! What do I do to get such rewards? If I wanted to tell you....you would already know wouldn't you? Well, flowers, I think I'm going to go now. I have a job in a few. So I'm going to go pick up my file and get to work. Later flowers!
Watch your back,
Niva
Hey flowers! How is everything? Don't worry about the title my boyfriend didn't leave me for my sister. Actually my boyfriend doesn't pay any attention to her unless she's crying or inturrupting something. But that's different. So anyway earlier today I was walking around and I found a 'wallet' of money! It was awesome luck. It had like $500 in it. So I took it and bought some new clothes and a new pair of cresent blades. They are so awesome. Of course I bought my sister some stuff too. I know your alll thinking "All of that must have cost you more than $500." But actually it didn't. Can you say 'Discount'? lol I didn't buy anything for full price. But I got top quality. God I love my line of work. You get so many benefits! What do I do to get such rewards? If I wanted to tell you....you would already know wouldn't you? Well, flowers, I think I'm going to go now. I have a job in a few. So I'm going to go pick up my file and get to work. Later flowers!
Watch your back,
Niva
Friday, September 08, 2006
Nei-Nei's Blog
Hatarunei----
'kay, so this blog is about two things: 1) My family 2) This blog. I think I'll star with this blog. The site itself is hardly ever used. And no one reads it, but I'm the one who has posted the most I think. And now I think it should be my blog. Does that sound mean? That I want it for myself? I concur (I learned that from my uncle) that it does sound a bit selfish, but it is kind of true. I do post the most. But I guess if it was my blog I would be here a lot writing in it and stuff. Constantly changing the format and things and then it might mess up the computer and blah blah. I don't think it will be mine but if it does become mine....I hope you continue to read it. Okay, now my family. Now, my brothers as you should know are...not smart sometimes. They get in trouble a lot...or they used to. Now they don't get in trouble, they don't do anything bad, they listen and they mind their manners and are respectful and everything! It's like a magic trick. But the downside to this is Papa won't talk to them anymore. I know someone out there is thinking "That doesn't make any sense, if their being good shouldn't he be praising them?" well I understand your confusion. You see, the last time they were bad they broke something Extremely important to Papa. He was really mad. So mad Momma was even afraid for a little while. Phon and Tsubara didn't even say sorry. Tsubara just ran to his corner in the kitchen and cried, and Phon stood there. Waiting for the punishment he thought was coming. Like normal. But this time Papa.....Papa just glared at him. He glared at Phon like he wanted to kill him. Then he disappeared and didn't come back for a while. Momma went after him and calmed him down. When they came back Phon and Tsubara and me were in bed, half asleep. I heard Momma and Papa go into their room and talk. Papa told Momma that he wasn't going to talk to Phon or Tsubara anymore. For a long time, he said he won't talk to them. And Momma agreed! That surprised me because normally Momma says something like "Now Hito, you know they don't mean it. They're just kids." or "I'm sure they've learned their lesson." then Papa agrees and everything goes back to normal. But this time Momma said "I completely agree. Ignore them as long as you want to, Hito." then they started speaking really quietly and I couldn't hear them no more. Since then Papa hasn't talked to them at all. He won't even say "mornin'" to them anymore when we all wake up. He only says it to me. At first Phon and Tsubara thought he was saying it to them too but Papa only looked at me and smiled. It made me sad a little bit. But I guessed Momma and Papa knew what they were doing. When Phon asks Papa a question Papa completely ignores him. He doesn't look around and ask "Who said that?" He just continues doing whatever like Phon never said anything. Yesterday I saw Tsubara crying in the garden underneath his favorite tree. I asked him what was wrong and he said "Dad doesn't love me anymore....I know it..." I told Tsubara that Papa still loved him but he didn't believe me. So I went inside and asked Papa if he still loved Tsubara.....but Papa didn't say anything. He just looked at me. I don't know what that means. Does he still love them or not? Phon doesn't show that he's affected but I know he is. I can hear him with Momma asking her when Papa will stop being mad, because he misses being able to hear Papa's stories, and reading with him and stuff. But Momma said she doesn't know, and I believe her. She has no idea. Just like the rest of us. I don't think Papa will ever get over this, but I hope he starts talking to Phon and Tsubara again soon. I feel like something in the family snapped and disappeared. So now we're all farther apart than we were before. I think I'll talk to Uncle Shunukasun about it. He knows everything 'cause he's old. Or maybe Uncle Kin....he talks to Papa a lot so maybe he knows. Oh oh! I know! I'll talk to Auntie Shunae and Uncle Lie when he gets back from Lance....France. Yeah France. He went to France with Auntie Tori to get married. Momma says they're going to come back with a cousin or two. I dunno. Maybe. I think I have enough cousins though. But it's okay to have a lot of cousins. Okay so I think I'm going to go to bed now. Good night.
Broken apart by invisible ice picks,
Nei-Nei
'kay, so this blog is about two things: 1) My family 2) This blog. I think I'll star with this blog. The site itself is hardly ever used. And no one reads it, but I'm the one who has posted the most I think. And now I think it should be my blog. Does that sound mean? That I want it for myself? I concur (I learned that from my uncle) that it does sound a bit selfish, but it is kind of true. I do post the most. But I guess if it was my blog I would be here a lot writing in it and stuff. Constantly changing the format and things and then it might mess up the computer and blah blah. I don't think it will be mine but if it does become mine....I hope you continue to read it. Okay, now my family. Now, my brothers as you should know are...not smart sometimes. They get in trouble a lot...or they used to. Now they don't get in trouble, they don't do anything bad, they listen and they mind their manners and are respectful and everything! It's like a magic trick. But the downside to this is Papa won't talk to them anymore. I know someone out there is thinking "That doesn't make any sense, if their being good shouldn't he be praising them?" well I understand your confusion. You see, the last time they were bad they broke something Extremely important to Papa. He was really mad. So mad Momma was even afraid for a little while. Phon and Tsubara didn't even say sorry. Tsubara just ran to his corner in the kitchen and cried, and Phon stood there. Waiting for the punishment he thought was coming. Like normal. But this time Papa.....Papa just glared at him. He glared at Phon like he wanted to kill him. Then he disappeared and didn't come back for a while. Momma went after him and calmed him down. When they came back Phon and Tsubara and me were in bed, half asleep. I heard Momma and Papa go into their room and talk. Papa told Momma that he wasn't going to talk to Phon or Tsubara anymore. For a long time, he said he won't talk to them. And Momma agreed! That surprised me because normally Momma says something like "Now Hito, you know they don't mean it. They're just kids." or "I'm sure they've learned their lesson." then Papa agrees and everything goes back to normal. But this time Momma said "I completely agree. Ignore them as long as you want to, Hito." then they started speaking really quietly and I couldn't hear them no more. Since then Papa hasn't talked to them at all. He won't even say "mornin'" to them anymore when we all wake up. He only says it to me. At first Phon and Tsubara thought he was saying it to them too but Papa only looked at me and smiled. It made me sad a little bit. But I guessed Momma and Papa knew what they were doing. When Phon asks Papa a question Papa completely ignores him. He doesn't look around and ask "Who said that?" He just continues doing whatever like Phon never said anything. Yesterday I saw Tsubara crying in the garden underneath his favorite tree. I asked him what was wrong and he said "Dad doesn't love me anymore....I know it..." I told Tsubara that Papa still loved him but he didn't believe me. So I went inside and asked Papa if he still loved Tsubara.....but Papa didn't say anything. He just looked at me. I don't know what that means. Does he still love them or not? Phon doesn't show that he's affected but I know he is. I can hear him with Momma asking her when Papa will stop being mad, because he misses being able to hear Papa's stories, and reading with him and stuff. But Momma said she doesn't know, and I believe her. She has no idea. Just like the rest of us. I don't think Papa will ever get over this, but I hope he starts talking to Phon and Tsubara again soon. I feel like something in the family snapped and disappeared. So now we're all farther apart than we were before. I think I'll talk to Uncle Shunukasun about it. He knows everything 'cause he's old. Or maybe Uncle Kin....he talks to Papa a lot so maybe he knows. Oh oh! I know! I'll talk to Auntie Shunae and Uncle Lie when he gets back from Lance....France. Yeah France. He went to France with Auntie Tori to get married. Momma says they're going to come back with a cousin or two. I dunno. Maybe. I think I have enough cousins though. But it's okay to have a lot of cousins. Okay so I think I'm going to go to bed now. Good night.
Broken apart by invisible ice picks,
Nei-Nei
Monday, August 28, 2006
Smelly
Hatarunei ------
I found something smelly in the basement. It looks weird too. Phon, my brother, said it was something dead. Tsubara, said it was rotten food. Hiro and Hara said it was probably rotting flesh of some kind. I told Momma and she said not to go down there anymore. But I don't think that's fair, 'cause Phon and Tsubara get to go down there still. I don't think Papa knows about the mysterious smelly thing in the basement. If he does he didn't do anything about it. But I didn't tell him either. So...I dunno. What do you think it is? It's blackish, and smelly, and it looks kinda lie a head. But that's not what it is. Phon said so. Oh! Also, there's a weird hole in it too. Like a stab wound or something. But that's not what it is, Phon said so. As you can probably tell, Phon is my favorite. Other than Papa of course but he doesn't count 'cause he's the Daddy. Momma and Daddy are going out tonight. Just like always, their not telling us where their going, or what their doing. But that's okay. At least my Momma is at my house. Auntie Suketsu is being weird and she's never at her house. Ryo knows why, and Zuna knows why. And Phon knows why, but me and Tsubara can't know 'cause "It's none of our business" Peh! I'll find out. I can hear people's thoughts so I'll find out sooner or later....If I can figure out how to listen to one person's thoughts at a time...Papa won't let me listen to his thoughts. I didn't ask him, he thought it at me. "Get out of my head, Nei-Nei." that's what he thought. I shook my head and he thought at me again, "My thoughts are to be unknown to you unless I tell them to you myself. Understood?" I thought back at him, "Yes, Papa." and then he picked me and we went to go get ice cream. Spending time with Papa is fun. Even though most of the time it's not for long. I think he spends the most time with me before I go to sleep. 'Cause I can't sleep without him near anyway. *shrugs* I don't know why. Either Papa or Phon has to be close enough to touch, or I can't sleep. Well I think I'm done now. I think my brothers are making a club in the basement....
Girls Are Never Allowed,
Hatarunei
I found something smelly in the basement. It looks weird too. Phon, my brother, said it was something dead. Tsubara, said it was rotten food. Hiro and Hara said it was probably rotting flesh of some kind. I told Momma and she said not to go down there anymore. But I don't think that's fair, 'cause Phon and Tsubara get to go down there still. I don't think Papa knows about the mysterious smelly thing in the basement. If he does he didn't do anything about it. But I didn't tell him either. So...I dunno. What do you think it is? It's blackish, and smelly, and it looks kinda lie a head. But that's not what it is. Phon said so. Oh! Also, there's a weird hole in it too. Like a stab wound or something. But that's not what it is, Phon said so. As you can probably tell, Phon is my favorite. Other than Papa of course but he doesn't count 'cause he's the Daddy. Momma and Daddy are going out tonight. Just like always, their not telling us where their going, or what their doing. But that's okay. At least my Momma is at my house. Auntie Suketsu is being weird and she's never at her house. Ryo knows why, and Zuna knows why. And Phon knows why, but me and Tsubara can't know 'cause "It's none of our business" Peh! I'll find out. I can hear people's thoughts so I'll find out sooner or later....If I can figure out how to listen to one person's thoughts at a time...Papa won't let me listen to his thoughts. I didn't ask him, he thought it at me. "Get out of my head, Nei-Nei." that's what he thought. I shook my head and he thought at me again, "My thoughts are to be unknown to you unless I tell them to you myself. Understood?" I thought back at him, "Yes, Papa." and then he picked me and we went to go get ice cream. Spending time with Papa is fun. Even though most of the time it's not for long. I think he spends the most time with me before I go to sleep. 'Cause I can't sleep without him near anyway. *shrugs* I don't know why. Either Papa or Phon has to be close enough to touch, or I can't sleep. Well I think I'm done now. I think my brothers are making a club in the basement....
Girls Are Never Allowed,
Hatarunei
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Haunting
It's not that I don't want to think about Her but I can't help it. She haunts my dreams. She is in my every waking thought. I feel I've betrayed her somehow...though I know I didn't. Have I done something wrong by moving on? Is there a possibility she could come back to me? And if she did...what would I do then? I wonder about the child sometimes. How he'll look when he's older...what it would have been like to teach him to talk, and write, and read...What things might have been like with Her. I know I should try to forget and move on. Just let them go...but I can't seem to get her out of my head and it's worrying my love. She's always asking me if I'm alright, looking at me...bearing a worry in her eyes that just doesn't belong there. I've been trying to reassure her. Talking to her calmly telling her everything is fine. But I know she's not buying. I think I should just tell her the truth. But everytime the opportunity comes around I find myself spinning her more and more lies. My father has also told me I shouldn't feel bad about this. Matter of fact, my sister and little brothers have told me the same things. And yet....She continues to haunt me. Along with the child, speaking kindly. Never saying anything harsh or vengeful. Occasionally the child asks if he can come and live with me...I can't help but try to hold back tears when he poses this question. My regretful decline breaks him into tears as well. I wonder if she bears any ill will against me for what happened to them....I don't think she does. She never says anything about it. She always asks about me. Or my brothers, or my father. Never wanting to reveal how she's doing. Sometimes I can see the wounds that caused her death. Never do I see them on the child. I am thankful for this. I don't think I could handle seeing such things on a child. Let alone my child. Just the thought makes my chest feel heavy with sorrow. When I first heard the news of their parting...I didn't think I would ever find another love. I didn't think I would live on past that day. But I did. I found new love, I still have life. I'll visit their graves tonight. I'll explain it to my love as well.
Rising Against The Pain,
Keishin
Rising Against The Pain,
Keishin
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Poetry Rambling
--- Anonoymous----
Watching you
Watching me
My mind writhing along the jagged edge of our memories
The smiles hidden behind the frowns
Of misunderstanding
The heavy blow of unjustice
It was never meant to be
You and I
I and You
In this deception of love
All along knowing true
Somethings will never be
When those words formed from you mouth
I held back the tears
I smiled and said your right
All the lies started here
In return their hatred turned to love
And you now bask in it
I stand on the sidelines
Trying not to think
About you
About me
About us
And Our memory
This lie we've netted ourselves in
Working ever faster
To unknot
So we may be free
The struggling is working
Against us
Lay still you say
It's better this way
I understand completely
My heart doesn't enjoy reality
I know yours feels the same
You and I
Meant to be
Torn apart
By reality
She's too young
What's he thinking?
I can't believe they're together
Then I think
Of how things
Could be so much worse
Of all the things
They could see
They choose to see our 'problem'
I wish there was
A solution
Alas, the problem is
Me.
Somehow....I never thought I could feel this way. Torn in places so deep, this rip may never heal. I will scar and I hope you know our jagged memory lies peacefully inside my heart. Waiting to be smoothed out. Unfortunately I have the feeling that this will never happen and that I will toss and turn, continuously, untill time rubs this ache into a smal piece of glass. That instead of shredding me, only stabs me on occasion. I don't blame us I blame them and their incapacity to know of loves true nature. I hope you never dechiper this message as what it is. I hope they never find out it was me. I hope I will still be able to look at you and not burst into tears when you turn from me. I hope someday....I will understand...why. I'm not sure why I wrote this. I think I just need to get it out without someone knowing it was me. Thanks for being there for me.
Sweet Dreams,
Anonoymous
Watching you
Watching me
My mind writhing along the jagged edge of our memories
The smiles hidden behind the frowns
Of misunderstanding
The heavy blow of unjustice
It was never meant to be
You and I
I and You
In this deception of love
All along knowing true
Somethings will never be
When those words formed from you mouth
I held back the tears
I smiled and said your right
All the lies started here
In return their hatred turned to love
And you now bask in it
I stand on the sidelines
Trying not to think
About you
About me
About us
And Our memory
This lie we've netted ourselves in
Working ever faster
To unknot
So we may be free
The struggling is working
Against us
Lay still you say
It's better this way
I understand completely
My heart doesn't enjoy reality
I know yours feels the same
You and I
Meant to be
Torn apart
By reality
She's too young
What's he thinking?
I can't believe they're together
Then I think
Of how things
Could be so much worse
Of all the things
They could see
They choose to see our 'problem'
I wish there was
A solution
Alas, the problem is
Me.
Somehow....I never thought I could feel this way. Torn in places so deep, this rip may never heal. I will scar and I hope you know our jagged memory lies peacefully inside my heart. Waiting to be smoothed out. Unfortunately I have the feeling that this will never happen and that I will toss and turn, continuously, untill time rubs this ache into a smal piece of glass. That instead of shredding me, only stabs me on occasion. I don't blame us I blame them and their incapacity to know of loves true nature. I hope you never dechiper this message as what it is. I hope they never find out it was me. I hope I will still be able to look at you and not burst into tears when you turn from me. I hope someday....I will understand...why. I'm not sure why I wrote this. I think I just need to get it out without someone knowing it was me. Thanks for being there for me.
Sweet Dreams,
Anonoymous
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Sometimes...
---Niva
Have you ever had that weird feeling that you were being watched? And then you get all paranoid and start looking around and people think your crazy? Yeah....I did that just now...I don't know if I was right about the whole there-are-sooo-eyes-on-me-right-now freak out feeling but I hope so. My boyfriend is on a "business trip" right now...I don't think that's all he's doing...but I have trust in him. I think I'm paranoid 'cause he's not here. Ya'think? *shrugs* Hey, have you ever felt like you were doing something really bad but you weren't? Like you suddenly felt extremely guilty for something you didn't do??? ...No...? ....Well maybe that's just me, but I do that alot and it's weird. Like I'm feeling someone else's guilt. It's weird. My chest get's all heavy, and I feel the sudden urge to cry and apologize to everybody for everything...weird huh? Yeah. I don't get it either. This post is completely random. I'm waiting. Trying to get away from my twin sister, Nira. Our names are really close, huh? It's weird isn't it? I say it's weird alot don't I? Sorry. See! I'm having that feeling right now. I'm listening to "Planet Hell" by Nightwish. Heard it? It's delicious. This is the fifth time I've listened to it. I love it. Actually, Nightwish is delicious in its self. Really. The drummer OMG! I can't pronounce their names though (<< can you say lame??) Gonna go now, rock on my flowers!
Always Runnin',
Niva
Have you ever had that weird feeling that you were being watched? And then you get all paranoid and start looking around and people think your crazy? Yeah....I did that just now...I don't know if I was right about the whole there-are-sooo-eyes-on-me-right-now freak out feeling but I hope so. My boyfriend is on a "business trip" right now...I don't think that's all he's doing...but I have trust in him. I think I'm paranoid 'cause he's not here. Ya'think? *shrugs* Hey, have you ever felt like you were doing something really bad but you weren't? Like you suddenly felt extremely guilty for something you didn't do??? ...No...? ....Well maybe that's just me, but I do that alot and it's weird. Like I'm feeling someone else's guilt. It's weird. My chest get's all heavy, and I feel the sudden urge to cry and apologize to everybody for everything...weird huh? Yeah. I don't get it either. This post is completely random. I'm waiting. Trying to get away from my twin sister, Nira. Our names are really close, huh? It's weird isn't it? I say it's weird alot don't I? Sorry. See! I'm having that feeling right now. I'm listening to "Planet Hell" by Nightwish. Heard it? It's delicious. This is the fifth time I've listened to it. I love it. Actually, Nightwish is delicious in its self. Really. The drummer OMG! I can't pronounce their names though (<<
Always Runnin',
Niva
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Like Sand Through The Hourglass....
D.C. ---
Hello again! I have not been able to post here for a while, huh? Heehee, I guess I should try to post more often, 'cause this place looks veerry empty! Hmm....what have I been doing? Oh I know. I will tell you about Saturday, last saturday not upcoming. Okay! On Saturday me and my friends (whom I will identify by; `A`, `R`, and `S`) we're outside `A`'s house and then his mom told him to come inside to get his sister, because she wanted to play with us. His sister is very little and we did not know what to play with a baby. So all five of us (me, `A`, `R`, `S`, and `E`) sat on the ground and rolled the ball to each other until `E` had to go back inside. Then we played tag until my Daddy came to pick us up. Then we said good bye to `A`'s Momma and Daddy and his little sister and went to my house, where we ate Good food (prepared by my Mom) and then we went in my room and played. Then `R` and `S` had to go home (they are brothers) and so me and `A` played by ourselves in the living room. We played lots of games, cops and robbers, tag, chess, hide 'n seek, pick a word, spelling B, chinese jump rope, and gotcha'. Like I said we played a lot 'till we hade to go to bed. So we got a snack (from Daddy 'cause Momma did not want to give us one but he said we played hard and desereved one but she still said no, so he waited and then asked her again and again like I do sometimes and annoyed her and then she did the I-don't-care-what-you-do-cause-my-opinon-obviously-doesn't-matter-face and we got snacks) and so we ate our snacks and went in my room and talked (well I talked mostly and he listened, but only 'cause he said I should (he did not have anything to say)) until we fell asleep. Then on Sunday `A` and my Daddy raced back to his house. Daddy won but `A` said it was 'cause he was still tired. But Daddy said `A` might beat him eventually. Then Daddy came home and we played tag and then I took a nap on his shoulder. So that was Saturday. And because you are probably really bored now I am going to go now.
SuNsHiNe!,
D.C. N.
Hello again! I have not been able to post here for a while, huh? Heehee, I guess I should try to post more often, 'cause this place looks veerry empty! Hmm....what have I been doing? Oh I know. I will tell you about Saturday, last saturday not upcoming. Okay! On Saturday me and my friends (whom I will identify by; `A`, `R`, and `S`) we're outside `A`'s house and then his mom told him to come inside to get his sister, because she wanted to play with us. His sister is very little and we did not know what to play with a baby. So all five of us (me, `A`, `R`, `S`, and `E`) sat on the ground and rolled the ball to each other until `E` had to go back inside. Then we played tag until my Daddy came to pick us up. Then we said good bye to `A`'s Momma and Daddy and his little sister and went to my house, where we ate Good food (prepared by my Mom) and then we went in my room and played. Then `R` and `S` had to go home (they are brothers) and so me and `A` played by ourselves in the living room. We played lots of games, cops and robbers, tag, chess, hide 'n seek, pick a word, spelling B, chinese jump rope, and gotcha'. Like I said we played a lot 'till we hade to go to bed. So we got a snack (from Daddy 'cause Momma did not want to give us one but he said we played hard and desereved one but she still said no, so he waited and then asked her again and again like I do sometimes and annoyed her and then she did the I-don't-care-what-you-do-cause-my-opinon-obviously-doesn't-matter-face and we got snacks) and so we ate our snacks and went in my room and talked (well I talked mostly and he listened, but only 'cause he said I should (he did not have anything to say)) until we fell asleep. Then on Sunday `A` and my Daddy raced back to his house. Daddy won but `A` said it was 'cause he was still tired. But Daddy said `A` might beat him eventually. Then Daddy came home and we played tag and then I took a nap on his shoulder. So that was Saturday. And because you are probably really bored now I am going to go now.
SuNsHiNe!,
D.C. N.
Protective
Hatarunei ---
*sighs* I'm not going to be here long. Papa won't let me. I hope he knows how much I love him. Because I really do love him....he just....crowds me sometimes. He's always asking what I'm doing. Somethings I guess he has right to be scared about. Like when I'm climbing a tree or something. But other things....like when I'm just walking around...or eating...I don't think he has to be so very afriad of. My best friend feels the same way. But I can see why her Daddy is so worried about her. She's very sickly. She has a heart problem too, so she's not allowed to do more things than me! Which is sad and yet somehow....relieving. My brothers and cousins are very protective over me and my friend. We're....the runts of our families I guess. I'm not sure. I just know we're both really small and nobody else is. So we're making a club. We don't know what to call it yet...and we'll be the only two in it for now. But it will be popular I bet. I'll try to come back and tell you more about it. I have to go now *yawns* this time for a good reason.
behold the runt,
Hatarunei
*sighs* I'm not going to be here long. Papa won't let me. I hope he knows how much I love him. Because I really do love him....he just....crowds me sometimes. He's always asking what I'm doing. Somethings I guess he has right to be scared about. Like when I'm climbing a tree or something. But other things....like when I'm just walking around...or eating...I don't think he has to be so very afriad of. My best friend feels the same way. But I can see why her Daddy is so worried about her. She's very sickly. She has a heart problem too, so she's not allowed to do more things than me! Which is sad and yet somehow....relieving. My brothers and cousins are very protective over me and my friend. We're....the runts of our families I guess. I'm not sure. I just know we're both really small and nobody else is. So we're making a club. We don't know what to call it yet...and we'll be the only two in it for now. But it will be popular I bet. I'll try to come back and tell you more about it. I have to go now *yawns* this time for a good reason.
behold the runt,
Hatarunei
Monday, June 19, 2006
Advice 4 a Friend
Don't you think it's strange? Okay I started that bad. Uhm...Okay. I have a friend. She likes this guy, and she wants to know it he likes her but doesn't have the courage to ask him because he's...a...uhm...upperclass man? Yeah, so he's older then her.And uhm...yeah! So don't you think that she should ask him? But she's scared. I told her she could ask him through a note or something but that would be stupid...so what is your advice to her? I wonder if her likes her... Now that I have that off and over with, I'm going to go visit my little brother....
Sadly, bad things happen to good people...I think I'm one of those good people,
Deirdre Z.
Sadly, bad things happen to good people...I think I'm one of those good people,
Deirdre Z.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I'm a Problem.
Isabella,
Okay I know I'll probably never post again but I just wanted to this once. I think I'm making my brother's life miserable. See, I'm the youngest in the family and I think I drag everyone down because of my....condition. I'm always being made fun of and pushed around, so we keep moving hoping to find a place that will be good for all of us because there's a lot of us to please and we all have our oddities. I know it's kind of dumb to move just because we're being made fun of but if people are throwing things at you and are calling you names even a sailor wouldn't say...it's time to go. My brother is the oldest and takes great care of us, but he has a life too and his girlfriend and him just got 'back' together (it's a long story not worth explaining) and they are happy. I don't want to make my brother unhappy because I am...what should I do? I don't think I should make us move. I'll just tough it out...I mean it isn't all that bad... Do you think I'm asking him if we can move for a good reason? I'm not sure I am. Even though the rest of my brothers and sisters are being made fun of too, my oldest brother....really wants to stay with his girlfriend. Well...if he decides to let us move I'll be grateful and if we don't I'll enjoy his happiness.
Forever Confused,
Isabella
Okay I know I'll probably never post again but I just wanted to this once. I think I'm making my brother's life miserable. See, I'm the youngest in the family and I think I drag everyone down because of my....condition. I'm always being made fun of and pushed around, so we keep moving hoping to find a place that will be good for all of us because there's a lot of us to please and we all have our oddities. I know it's kind of dumb to move just because we're being made fun of but if people are throwing things at you and are calling you names even a sailor wouldn't say...it's time to go. My brother is the oldest and takes great care of us, but he has a life too and his girlfriend and him just got 'back' together (it's a long story not worth explaining) and they are happy. I don't want to make my brother unhappy because I am...what should I do? I don't think I should make us move. I'll just tough it out...I mean it isn't all that bad... Do you think I'm asking him if we can move for a good reason? I'm not sure I am. Even though the rest of my brothers and sisters are being made fun of too, my oldest brother....really wants to stay with his girlfriend. Well...if he decides to let us move I'll be grateful and if we don't I'll enjoy his happiness.
Forever Confused,
Isabella
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
WOO!
D.C --
Okay so Mikara was supposed to tell you all that everyone is going to post there name at the top so you know who is who. *coughs* But she did not. No harm done. That is why I am telling you! I am sick though so I am going to go back to bed. Bye byes!
Sunshine!,
D.C. N.
Okay so Mikara was supposed to tell you all that everyone is going to post there name at the top so you know who is who. *coughs* But she did not. No harm done. That is why I am telling you! I am sick though so I am going to go back to bed. Bye byes!
Sunshine!,
D.C. N.
Originaly
Mikara --
This is going to take a lot of getting used to! I've never done this before. And I don't think anyone else has either....maybe it will be better then I think? I don't know. Hey! What's your favorite song? Right now mine is..."I Won't Say I'm In Love." from the movie Hercules. It's a good song. I think I like it 'cause it describes so many people right now. Mostly my uhm...cousin? Yeah, cousin. 'Cause she has guy troubles. But things are good...for now. But! I have faith! Heehee! I have to go now. You should post your favorite songs too!
Love,
Mikara ;)
This is going to take a lot of getting used to! I've never done this before. And I don't think anyone else has either....maybe it will be better then I think? I don't know. Hey! What's your favorite song? Right now mine is..."I Won't Say I'm In Love." from the movie Hercules. It's a good song. I think I like it 'cause it describes so many people right now. Mostly my uhm...cousin? Yeah, cousin. 'Cause she has guy troubles. But things are good...for now. But! I have faith! Heehee! I have to go now. You should post your favorite songs too!
Love,
Mikara ;)
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