Haunting

It's not that I don't want to think about Her but I can't help it. She haunts my dreams. She is in my every waking thought. I feel I've betrayed her somehow...though I know I didn't. Have I done something wrong by moving on? Is there a possibility she could come back to me? And if she did...what would I do then? I wonder about the child sometimes. How he'll look when he's older...what it would have been like to teach him to talk, and write, and read...What things might have been like with Her. I know I should try to forget and move on. Just let them go...but I can't seem to get her out of my head and it's worrying my love. She's always asking me if I'm alright, looking at me...bearing a worry in her eyes that just doesn't belong there. I've been trying to reassure her. Talking to her calmly telling her everything is fine. But I know she's not buying. I think I should just tell her the truth. But everytime the opportunity comes around I find myself spinning her more and more lies. My father has also told me I shouldn't feel bad about this. Matter of fact, my sister and little brothers have told me the same things. And yet....She continues to haunt me. Along with the child, speaking kindly. Never saying anything harsh or vengeful. Occasionally the child asks if he can come and live with me...I can't help but try to hold back tears when he poses this question. My regretful decline breaks him into tears as well. I wonder if she bears any ill will against me for what happened to them....I don't think she does. She never says anything about it. She always asks about me. Or my brothers, or my father. Never wanting to reveal how she's doing. Sometimes I can see the wounds that caused her death. Never do I see them on the child. I am thankful for this. I don't think I could handle seeing such things on a child. Let alone my child. Just the thought makes my chest feel heavy with sorrow. When I first heard the news of their parting...I didn't think I would ever find another love. I didn't think I would live on past that day. But I did. I found new love, I still have life. I'll visit their graves tonight. I'll explain it to my love as well.

Rising Against The Pain,
Keishin