Suya Said...

This is probably a huges mistake....the Masters will find out about this somehow and be angry with me...but Suya said it was okay....she said I should...so I suppose....She said I'm supposed to write about my past so it wasn't torturing my mind. I don't think it is...but I'll listen to her. I don't know how to start...Hm...I know.

December 19

"If you do it, I'll leave."
"No you won't, boy stop lying."
"I'm completely serious, dad. I'll leave."
"Isaac..perhaps...he is serious.."
"Nonsense, Kane."
"It isn't nonsense, dad!"
"You see? He's not kidding."
"We'll see then, Arden. We'll see."
"Hmph."

The voices of my Father, my Mother, and my older brother echoed through the hallways into my room. Their comtemplation of this painful matter kept me awake. Of course when conserning me, nothing is simple. Everyone has sacrificed something for me, has even given away their most precious belonging to spare me...except for my Father. He has given nothing, yet taken so much. I begin crying, self hatred washing through me once again, for causing m family so much distress. Arden comes quickly to my room. He lifts me from my bed, with one arm.

"Stop crying, Noden. It's not your fault."
"It is..."
"It is not. Stop blaming yourself right now."
"O-okay.."

I choke back my tears and wipe my face, he smiles at me. I notice he's missing two of his front teeth. I tentatively ask him what happened. He explains that he lost them in a fight. I'll be it was because of me. He sets me down again and leans against me bed, pushing his oddly long blonde hair behind his ear.

"Can you sleep now, Noden?"
"Will you stay untill I do?"
"Yeah, I can do that."

He sta on the edge of my bed and decided to hum a song he wrote for me at that moment. I fell asleep quickly, so I know not how long he was there. But I'm sure it was a while because one day he told me how he enjoys watching me sleep. The next day I woke to the sound of Arden screaming at the top of his lungs. It hurt his throat I could tell. My Mother spoke next when he stopped.

"Arden, baby please. There's nothing we can do. We need the money..."
"So your going to sell my baby brother?! He's not even a year old!"
"I know...this isn't easy for me either..."
"But your going to allow it! Your going to let them take him! Just snatch him from our lives and act like he was never there? Don't you think he might remember us?!"
"He's too young to remember this..."
"How would you know? You don't talk to him! You don't even tuck him in at night. Your not by his side when he cries! You act like you don't recognize his face when you see him!"
"Arden...please..."

As I sat up, tears beginning to fill my eyes, I heard my Fathers voice boom throughout the house. I flinched, quietly, I had to see. I had to know. I had to see their faces one last time. I climbed out of bed and padded down the hall, to the kitchen where they held every argument.

"Your not making this any easier, Arden."
"So!? Your selling your own flesh and blood."
"Oh my god...we're horrible people..."

My Mother began to cry, bloody tears escaped her eyes, falling through the curtain of snow white hair that framed her face. My big brother glared at her briefely, before realizing that she too, was feeling quite upset about this. That his true enemy was only Father.

"Your trying to tear us all apart aren't you?"
"Why would I be trying to tear apart my own family?"
"Your giving up both of your sons. And slowly killing your wife. You tell me."
"Stop talking."

My Father turned and stalked out of the room ending the conversation. Arden turned to my Mother and spoke softly. Questioning when they were coming to take me. She spoke quietly as well, he looked over at me.

"Go get dressed."
"What for, Arden?"
"Now, Noden."

I nodded briskly and rushed off to my room, changing as uickly as possible. He came in a few moments later, stuffing money into my pocket. He beckoned me to follow him, after I had put on my shoes. He stopped at the kitchen doorway, where Mother stood, holding our coats, holding back tears.

"Good luck, I love you both."
"I love you too, mom."
"I love you Shifiro. I'm sorry."
"I love you too, Mother.."

She gave us our coats and kissed us quickly, before turning away. She couldn't handle watching us leave. I knew I walked slowly, but never slowly enough for Arden to pick me up and run with me. He ran briskly, making no sound. When he stopped his eyes were blank, aimless.

"Brother?"
"I love you, Noden."
"A-Arden?"

Before I knew it I was ripped from my brothers arms. By someone much larger, stronger than him. I screamed his name, when I began drifting from him, the part between us becoming greater and greater. I heard him say my name before e too disappeared. Nothing left of him but my memoiries from that day forward. Nothing left to do but sink down into complete submission. A numbness beyond death. That is my mind.

That's all I have to write about...I suppose I'm done now...

Lost,
Shifironodenmaru