Smelly

Hatarunei ------

I found something smelly in the basement. It looks weird too. Phon, my brother, said it was something dead. Tsubara, said it was rotten food. Hiro and Hara said it was probably rotting flesh of some kind. I told Momma and she said not to go down there anymore. But I don't think that's fair, 'cause Phon and Tsubara get to go down there still. I don't think Papa knows about the mysterious smelly thing in the basement. If he does he didn't do anything about it. But I didn't tell him either. So...I dunno. What do you think it is? It's blackish, and smelly, and it looks kinda lie a head. But that's not what it is. Phon said so. Oh! Also, there's a weird hole in it too. Like a stab wound or something. But that's not what it is, Phon said so. As you can probably tell, Phon is my favorite. Other than Papa of course but he doesn't count 'cause he's the Daddy. Momma and Daddy are going out tonight. Just like always, their not telling us where their going, or what their doing. But that's okay. At least my Momma is at my house. Auntie Suketsu is being weird and she's never at her house. Ryo knows why, and Zuna knows why. And Phon knows why, but me and Tsubara can't know 'cause "It's none of our business" Peh! I'll find out. I can hear people's thoughts so I'll find out sooner or later....If I can figure out how to listen to one person's thoughts at a time...Papa won't let me listen to his thoughts. I didn't ask him, he thought it at me. "Get out of my head, Nei-Nei." that's what he thought. I shook my head and he thought at me again, "My thoughts are to be unknown to you unless I tell them to you myself. Understood?" I thought back at him, "Yes, Papa." and then he picked me and we went to go get ice cream. Spending time with Papa is fun. Even though most of the time it's not for long. I think he spends the most time with me before I go to sleep. 'Cause I can't sleep without him near anyway. *shrugs* I don't know why. Either Papa or Phon has to be close enough to touch, or I can't sleep. Well I think I'm done now. I think my brothers are making a club in the basement....

Girls Are Never Allowed,
Hatarunei

Haunting

It's not that I don't want to think about Her but I can't help it. She haunts my dreams. She is in my every waking thought. I feel I've betrayed her somehow...though I know I didn't. Have I done something wrong by moving on? Is there a possibility she could come back to me? And if she did...what would I do then? I wonder about the child sometimes. How he'll look when he's older...what it would have been like to teach him to talk, and write, and read...What things might have been like with Her. I know I should try to forget and move on. Just let them go...but I can't seem to get her out of my head and it's worrying my love. She's always asking me if I'm alright, looking at me...bearing a worry in her eyes that just doesn't belong there. I've been trying to reassure her. Talking to her calmly telling her everything is fine. But I know she's not buying. I think I should just tell her the truth. But everytime the opportunity comes around I find myself spinning her more and more lies. My father has also told me I shouldn't feel bad about this. Matter of fact, my sister and little brothers have told me the same things. And yet....She continues to haunt me. Along with the child, speaking kindly. Never saying anything harsh or vengeful. Occasionally the child asks if he can come and live with me...I can't help but try to hold back tears when he poses this question. My regretful decline breaks him into tears as well. I wonder if she bears any ill will against me for what happened to them....I don't think she does. She never says anything about it. She always asks about me. Or my brothers, or my father. Never wanting to reveal how she's doing. Sometimes I can see the wounds that caused her death. Never do I see them on the child. I am thankful for this. I don't think I could handle seeing such things on a child. Let alone my child. Just the thought makes my chest feel heavy with sorrow. When I first heard the news of their parting...I didn't think I would ever find another love. I didn't think I would live on past that day. But I did. I found new love, I still have life. I'll visit their graves tonight. I'll explain it to my love as well.

Rising Against The Pain,
Keishin

Poetry Rambling

--- Anonoymous----

Watching you
Watching me
My mind writhing along the jagged edge of our memories
The smiles hidden behind the frowns
Of misunderstanding
The heavy blow of unjustice
It was never meant to be
You and I
I and You
In this deception of love
All along knowing true
Somethings will never be
When those words formed from you mouth
I held back the tears
I smiled and said your right
All the lies started here
In return their hatred turned to love
And you now bask in it
I stand on the sidelines
Trying not to think
About you
About me
About us
And Our memory

This lie we've netted ourselves in
Working ever faster
To unknot
So we may be free
The struggling is working
Against us
Lay still you say
It's better this way
I understand completely
My heart doesn't enjoy reality
I know yours feels the same
You and I
Meant to be
Torn apart
By reality
She's too young
What's he thinking?
I can't believe they're together
Then I think
Of how things
Could be so much worse
Of all the things
They could see
They choose to see our 'problem'
I wish there was
A solution
Alas, the problem is
Me.

Somehow....I never thought I could feel this way. Torn in places so deep, this rip may never heal. I will scar and I hope you know our jagged memory lies peacefully inside my heart. Waiting to be smoothed out. Unfortunately I have the feeling that this will never happen and that I will toss and turn, continuously, untill time rubs this ache into a smal piece of glass. That instead of shredding me, only stabs me on occasion. I don't blame us I blame them and their incapacity to know of loves true nature. I hope you never dechiper this message as what it is. I hope they never find out it was me. I hope I will still be able to look at you and not burst into tears when you turn from me. I hope someday....I will understand...why. I'm not sure why I wrote this. I think I just need to get it out without someone knowing it was me. Thanks for being there for me.

Sweet Dreams,
Anonoymous

Sometimes...

---Niva


Have you ever had that weird feeling that you were being watched? And then you get all paranoid and start looking around and people think your crazy? Yeah....I did that just now...I don't know if I was right about the whole there-are-sooo-eyes-on-me-right-now freak out feeling but I hope so. My boyfriend is on a "business trip" right now...I don't think that's all he's doing...but I have trust in him. I think I'm paranoid 'cause he's not here. Ya'think? *shrugs* Hey, have you ever felt like you were doing something really bad but you weren't? Like you suddenly felt extremely guilty for something you didn't do??? ...No...? ....Well maybe that's just me, but I do that alot and it's weird. Like I'm feeling someone else's guilt. It's weird. My chest get's all heavy, and I feel the sudden urge to cry and apologize to everybody for everything...weird huh? Yeah. I don't get it either. This post is completely random. I'm waiting. Trying to get away from my twin sister, Nira. Our names are really close, huh? It's weird isn't it? I say it's weird alot don't I? Sorry. See! I'm having that feeling right now. I'm listening to "Planet Hell" by Nightwish. Heard it? It's delicious. This is the fifth time I've listened to it. I love it. Actually, Nightwish is delicious in its self. Really. The drummer OMG! I can't pronounce their names though (<< can you say lame??) Gonna go now, rock on my flowers!

Always Runnin',
Niva