On October 18, 2006 I wrote about how my life began falling apart. Before I took my life. You may want to recap before you read this. Its been a while. But nothing's changed. Four years only makes a difference if something changes your life. I have yet to come across that...something. This time I'll tell you about after I was reborn. When Angel cast me out.
I blinked slowly when the suns rays shone on my eyelids. Wiping a hand over my face I looked around hoping I would be in some fancy hotel in a warm place. To my dismay there was none of that. The airs chill swept through my skin quickly and forced me into wakefulness. I stood and found that I was outside, naked, in the middle of some forest in some place I didn't know. So I began walking. All sorts of thoughts formed in my head. Who was I? What happened? How do I get out of here. It was sometime later that I discovered I was just outside of Greece and my name was Loraina. Then it all came back and I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips. Eventually I did find a hotel, there I bathed and stole some mans clothes.
I wandered around Greece for six days before I saw someone I recognized. If you had been there, you may have felt my heart pounding through the floor. My mouth opened to shout to him, but I snapped it shut before it could betray me. Angel's handsome face turned my way anyways and I felt his blank stare etch its way into my skin. What he did next, I didn't expect...he smiled at me. I blinked in confusion as he dropped his fruit and jogged over to me. "I must know you." His voice had dropped at least ten notes since the last time I saw him, though it had been only two years. I longed to deny it and give him a false name with which he could create his own person. But I had already taken too much from him. "Loraina..." I mumbled daring to look up him. "Ah yes! I remember. Why are you wearing mens clothing?" He seemed genuinelly perplexed and I tilted my head. "Never mind it. Come come!" He grabbed my hand, too gently and pulled me towards his previous location. "Oh..I shouldn't go with you.." I panicked, my eyes widening. "Its no problem." He turned and looked me in the eyes, "Truly." Now as confused as he must have been I slowly nodded my head, and allowed him to guide me. He couldn't have forgotten his brother's death. Though he must have, because he welcomed me into his home.
Over the next few weeks I became acquainted with the people that had become his family and met his little sister. She was a darling thing. Her name was Pamondria , though she couldn't say it as she was just a baby. Angel and I became close again and it wasn't long after our meeting in the market that my heart expanded to include him in its repetoire. It took even less time for him to recall how exactly his brother had died. I fell in love with Angel the same way I had with Micheal and he loved me much the same. It was the anniversary of his brother's death and he wanted me to come to his grave site with him. I refused, I simply couldn't do it. I remembered when I'd murdered him clear as day, whether Angel did or not. He insisted however and I ended up attending the rememberance anyways. I brought with me a single black rose and placed it gently on his headstone. This was the marker that sparked Angel's memory. I saw it flash in his eyes, the vision of me standing over his siblings corpse with nothing but loathing written on my face. "...You.." He whispered from behind me. His kind baritone had become nothing but acid and I couldn't control the flinch that played at my muscles. "You did this..." I heard the acid tremble and took my opportunity, turning to face him. "It was an accident..it was long ago and I've paid my price..please...Angel...forgive me." His face became flustered and rage overtook the remorse that had been there before. "It was not long ago!" He yelled, his voice shaking the earth. "It was years ago! Not decades!" His anger made me weep, I could not control the tears as they fell down my cheeks. "I did nothing but love him.." I cried, wrapping my arms around myself and sinking to the ground. "...To the last second I loved him...I just thought.." "You did not think!" He yelled louder. My hand went to the headstone and I hugged it desperately, willing Micheal to return, knowing there was nothing I could do to beseech this fury. I heard him growl above me and didn't raise a lash until rough hands gripped my arms. "YOU KILLED HIM!" He hollered in my face, lifting me away from the headstone. I reached for it as he pulled me away, "You shouldn't be here!" He dropped me infront of him, so that he blocked Micheal from my reach. "You shouldn't..." His eyes seemed to have glazed over and his yell faded to that of a whisper. "Pleeease Angel.." I bawled, crawling towards him, "I love you..." He backed away. "You love nothing." He spoke firmly, not willing to lower his eyes and look at me, he stared towards the skyline instead. "Your not welcome in my home. I never want to see you again." It was the last thing he said before he turned and walked away. On the ground, where his foot had been lay a crushed black rose. Beyond that Micheal's headstone read, "Micheal Demonte' Narun-Ray, Beloved Brother and Son."
--Three months later I was wandering Greece again, watching Angel from afar, in hopes that I could somehow speak with him again. Though I never worked up the nerves to try. I visited Micheals grave every Thursday. Still do, and whenever I go back...my roses have disappeared.
I know its been a long time, I told you I'd tell you over time, though I couldn't have anticipated it would be this long. *shrugs* Im sorry.
Reaction is everything,
Loraina Kiarwa
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