I Tried

Alright...I tried I really did try to ignore this. I tried to get past it and I even forgot it for a little while, but I can't hold it in anymore and I can't tell Usaru to his face...because...I don't know. I can't tell Aalea either so I hope he doesn't feel bad. Anyway...*sighs* This is about a recurring dream I've been having. I think I know what's causing it but I'm not sure...maybe...someone can help me out...?

It's raining and I have the sense it's early though there is no source of light to be found, and curious still there is no darkness. A familiar male voice calls out to me but I can't place who it belongs to. I follow the voice cautiously, normally I would have a feeling of security with Usaru there, but I didn't feel him close to me so my fear increased to exceedingly high levels. I wrap my arms around myself as I become soaked and grow cold. The voice continues to call me as I walk closer to it. As the voice grows louder and more pained I quicken my steps to find him. A form appears in front of me in the mist of rain and I kneel beside him; "Are you okay?" I question my voice quivering with both fear and the cold. "Yuki..." he says and Usaru's image comes into view sprawled before me. I reach out to him, my hand enclosing itself in his. I would try to help him up if it would not be in vain. "Yuki.." He whispers again and again, and tears begin to fall from my eyes. I look him over to find what is wrong with him, his shirt is torn and frayed and a large pool of blood is building around him but there is no wound that I can see. I begin to shake violently and a heavy hand drops onto my shoulder, its hot and I can feel the heat through my shirt as though it's burning right through my skin. "Yuki, how do you feel now?" Leighton's voice deep and terrorizing echos behind me as I stare up at him. I hear Usaru begin to growl and his hand vibrates over mine. Then a shot, so loud next to my ear I feel as though my ears are going to bleed and Usaru goes silent. His hand ceases to shake, and all too quickly does the warmth of his hand leave mine. In Leighton's hand is something silver, a weapon I've never seen before. I look back to Usaru and scream, as loud as my voice can go and then I am slapped by the hand holding the odd weapon, I'm flung back into a wall. He comes toward me a sadistic smile on his face, his weapon ready; "If I can't have you, Yuki. No one can. And your dumbass fucking friends will perish because of it!" Then another shot and blackness.


*shivers* Normally that's when I wake up to Usaru beside me with the most sorrowful look on his face. Since this dream began I don't recognize him when I wake up and back away from him quickly, screaming things I don't remember. I can't take hurting him like this anymore...but I don't have any control of it. I can't sleep without him, but I cannot hurt him like this anymore. It's breaking his heart. And mine. I'm sorry about this Usaru, sorry I didn't tell you what was going on sooner but I couldn't...I couldn't tell you. I'm too afraid it will happen. I love you.

Haunted By The Past, Fearing The Future,
Yukiko