Why?

What do you do when the one man you hate is the person your son admires most? People keep saying I should talk to him. Though for some reason I'm not really understanding what it is I should talk to him about. Mae says answer his questions...thus far his question consist of "Why are you being like this!!?", "Don't I have a right to know!?!" and "What are you afraid of?!!" So I'll start with the first one. I am "being like this" pertaining to the way I am currently "being", because I don't trust him and I refuse to allow my son to be around a man who could...do such a thing to his family. I don't know that he's changed, not for sure. And until I do, I don't want my son near him. I won't risk it. That's if I believe he's truly changed even if you proves it to me somehow. That question directly ties to the last one, so I'll answer that one next. Honestly, I fear for my sons life. I realize that my son is strong. But he's not strong enough to defend himself against him, should something go wrong. I will not risk my sons life to allow him to talk to that man. I'm afraid of what may happen. And everytime it's mentioned...my son going to see him that is. Images flash through my mind of son being murdered. His bloody bruised body lying somewhere that I could never find. I simply...don't want those images to come alive. That..is what I'm afraid of. The last question I'm going to answer is the second one I stated. Yes, you have a right to know. You have a right to the history of your family, the workings of our ancestors and the begginings of other kin. I cannot honestly keep that from you. And although there are many things I don't want you to know. Should you ask outright, I would be hesitant but...I would tell you.

Hitokaryuu

O-s-u-m-a-r-u

Outrageous
Smart/Sexxy
Unappreciated
Misunderstood
Attractive
Random
Unusual

Hee hee, sorry. Lately I'm a little obsessed I guess. *shrugs* I don't know. I just realized how much I love him. I mean I say it all the time. Even before we got married I always told him I loved him, but then it was mostly a joke. You know just me saying the already over-used word. I don't know what it was that made me realize it. But it was yesterday. I was walking down the hall to the...where ever that hall leads and he just came up behind me and hugged me, wrapping his arms around my waist and then kissing my neck, lightly. He said "Hi" then proceeded down the hall. I know a simple gesture, but it just donned on me then that I'm not just married. I'm inlove, have been for a long time. Maybe even since I met him the first time. I know I know...I'm being silly. *sighs* But, I don't think he actually understands...how much I love him. Because I was saying it before and it wasn't real. I'll make sure he knows from now on. It's important. Hee hee, I'm planning a surprise for him. Now he'll probably know but I'm not going to say what is until I do it. So that way he'll still be surprised even if he reads this. *grins* It's going to be great. I hope he thinks so too. Anyway. I've got something to do now so bye people.

~Love you Osumaru~

Naname'

Two Days..

Last night I had a dream. It was amazingly life like. I still feel the happiness radiating from me. The dream was over a course of two days. The first, I got to meet my favorite person in my favorite band. The singer. His voice is absolutely wonderful. He's beautiful as well. He was very kind and when I was about to leave insisted upon knowing my name. I didn't tell him. Eventually (still that night) he asked my advisor Sophia and she told him. Then she brought me back, and I talked to him some more. About an hour or so later...I fell asleep right next to him. When I woke, I had scooted closer still and his arm was draped casually across my waist. It felt nice, but I rolled away and lay back down. Later that day I made breakfast, we both ate and about an hour from then I had to leave. The next time we met we didn't talk so much. He wasn't supposed to or something. But he warmed up to me again as I did with him. I did something horrible but I won't explain it. Then he wouldn't talk to me again. Way later, when his host left her friends house I talked to him on this thing. I told him about how I felt about my life. The way I lived it. And he wrote a song...for me. Then, he offered me a life. I can't even explain the feelings that swam their way through me. But I just woke up from that dream. *smiles* And I realize it wasn't a dream at all, it was very real...and now I get to live.

~Neaseline Cortosian~

Lift Thy Secrecy

Maybe it's just me...maybe it's none of my business. But I think if two people share such a love that they have bonded for eternity...they should know everything about one another. Don't you think so? No. I'm not talking about myself. I understand my love's secrecy. Though if I ask he'll probably tell me. I feel as though I don't have the right to know all of his secrets. Even though he knows all of mine. Who I'm talking about is my best friend and her....husband ^_^ yes, husband. See he know everything about her, right down to her mother's maiden name. and she knows nothing of his past. I understand it's probably not something that needs to be told over and over again, and like I said it really isn't any of my business. But she came to me and asked if my love told me much about his past. He does not. So she decided it wasn't much of her business, but sometimes she see's a great pain in him and she knows nothing of it's origin. She knows that others know of his secrets, they know of his pain and trials, and she could easily get the information from them. But it's not the same. She wants to hear it from his lips as he has heard her life. *sighs* I know, I should stop. I should just keep my thoughts to myself, and butt out....but...she looked so sad today. She bears his child, he bears her name and she knows nothing of him. How utterly saddening...anyway, I shall return now to the sanctuary I reside in.

^_^ Farewell!

Paytience