First, since most of you probably don't know what this word means.
Decadence-the act or process of falling into an inferior condition or state; deterioration; decay:
~This blog is about the deterioration of someones soul. After learning of an act of betrayal on their lovers part. We'll call the person falling apart, Seera, and the betrayer can be Raphael. Seera lives a happy life, thinking eventually she will marry Raphael as she is madly in love with him. One day, she comes home, to the house her and Raphael purchased two years before. As she walks into her house, she hears voices.Not just one voice, as she would have expected, Seera hears two voices. One belonging to her beloved Raphael. The other is a female voice. She thinks nothing of it and sets her things on a table in the living area. Thinking it's probably a family member she stays away from the room in which the voices are coming from. You know...family matters, not really her business. She walks past the room, about five minutes later, the wedding band encircling her finger gleaming under the bright lamp light of the hallway. She stops when she hears her name, and listens through the door. Here is what she hears:
"Raphael...don't you think-"
"No...you don't understand, I can't lose you."
"But perhaps...we should tell her...I kind of feel bad, doing all this behind her back"
"As do I..but it can't be helped. She'll get over it."
The female giggles, "Your horrible. But I suppose your right."
"I do wonder if perhaps she's daft."
"Well of course she is love!"
Both of them laugh, and it echoes through the door.
"No doubt she'll tell her brother. He'll flip."
"I'll fix that...don't worry about it."
"No...it's dangerous to bother him. I'll deal with it. You can handle her."
"Alright then."
Seera can't believe what she hears, shock runs over her face and leaves it's mark in her eyes as she pushes open the door. She looks at the face of her fiance' Raphael, and then to the mocking eyes of her best friend. She covers her face with her hands and bites her tongue. Denial finds her voice as she screams a sad no and runs out of the house, tears blurring her vision. Raphael gives chase, leaving his new love smiling with anticipation. As he catches up to Seera he grabs her arm whirling her to face him.
She screams at him, "Let me you go you lying bastard!!!"
He frowns and grips both her arms in his hands, "Somehow...I knew you would act like this. I thought you understood!!!"
"Understood? What the fuck am I supposed to be understanding!!??!"
"It wasn't clear? You are daft...I thought I made it perfectly clear that I don't love you..."
Her lips tremble, "Y-y-you what...?"
"Seera...I don't want to be with you,"
"How can you say that!?!?! You sick son of a bitch!?! How can you say that?!!"
"Because...it's true."
"You asshole!! How could you do this to me?!" She screams horrified, and sinks to the ground. She felt sick...foolish. But where were the clues. What hints had he given her, when he'd proposed three days before? Raphael kneels next to her. And takes her left hand in his.
"I'm sorry Seera." He kisses her hand, and gently slides the gleaming diamond off her finger.
"No!!! Give it back you bastard!! Give it back!!! You can't take it from me!! Give...it..baack" She balls swinging blindly in the air. He frowns down at her and turns to leave while she clutches her sides and rocks to keep her self from falling apart.
Over a course of the next few days, Seera cries her self to sleep. Having frequent nightmares and holding her sides so she doesn't rip apart. It is announced that Raphael is to be married. The tear through her body grows as she sits in her small sanctuary of decadence and struggles to hold her self together. Four days after Raphael's wedding, her older brother dies, and her ex-best friend comes to visit her.
"Seera...I had hoped to see you at the wedding."
"Get the hell away from me you backstabbing little bitch..." Seera answers dully, no emotion raising her voice.
"Why can't you be happy for us?!!?"
"Why..can't I..." Seera repeats mechanically and looks up at her ex-friend sadly. "I hate you..."
Her "friend" looks at her numbly, then glares. "Fine" She states, then lands a swift kick in Seera's side, "I hope you rot like your brother." Then she walks out.
For the next few month's Seera remains broken, only slightly holding herself together. To this day she still tries to keep from ripping in two. And in the times she is not contemplating revenge. She resides in her Sanctuary of Decadence, trying to replace the shards of her heart that flew around the earths core to melt with the love she had for Raphael.
I sincerely hope you are never hurt in anyway shape or form...
Trying to rebuild myself,
Seera Rein
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Meeting
Shifironodenmaru---
You probably already know what I'm doing here. I don't post unless told to, and Suya wants me to do it again, so I will. Though this time...I'm not quite sure what to write about. Last time I wrote about one of my first and only memories with my family. I could write about recent events, but that's not what she wants. Writing about being...what I was...would be hard. But that's what she wants me to write about I think. She didn't really give me anything to work with, no hints or anything. *sighs* I guess, writing about the past is necessary in order to get over it...not that what happened to me is something you get over at all. Though she seems to be doing alright...ahem. Anyway, here goes nothing...
"What's the matter, pet?"
"..."
"Speak truth. What is wrong?"
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Fine."
The mistress walked out of the cell, encasing me in the darkness that was the windowless, lightless 'room' I was confined to. I crawled over to the corner and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Absently I looked over the pile of blankets on the floor for my bed and the small silver bucket for my bathroom. I heard a sliding noise and looked over at the door, as a tray flew through the slit at the bottom. The tray of mush hit against the wall and flew everywhere, splattering me, and the wall with it's disgusting contents. Wiping off my face with the back of my hand I thought why they were feeding me now. Perhaps so I could feed them later.
"Shifiro?"
I smiled when I heard my name flow from the lips of the girl standing in the doorway. I looked up at her from where I sat taking her in.
"Suya. You were allowed here?"
"No. Master does not know, I had to give the guards...something."
"You have sacrificed more than needed."
"Not enough."
She came and sat next to me, and I felt bad for having her sit on the floor. She deserved so much better. She should have a nice soft chair to sit in, of even a couch. Something. She smiled at me, not daring to touch me however. I understood why, and kept my distance from her just the same. Should we touch, our scents would mix more, and her coming here would be evident to her Master. I did not enjoy the thought of her punishment.
"I'm glad you came."
"Me too."
"Have you eaten?"
"Have you?"
"No, but I'm not as important."
"Shifiro."
"Tis true."
She shook her head and looked around, frowning. I knew her room was much better conditions than mine. But she was also used for so much more than I was. I noticed then that her hair had been cut. I inquired softly on why that was. She held in a breath for a second and looked at me, her eyes suddenly glimmering with tears, and I regret asking. Before I could take back my question she spoke, ever so softly. Her voice filled with a haunting sorrow.
"Master said it got in his way...He ordered it cut..."
As she continued to explain, a great anger rose in me. An anger that I had never felt before, soon I was shaking with rage, and I felt my eyes flash a new color. She watched me, concerned, then smiled as she caught hold of my scent. One of a male needing revenge, needing to redeem those he loves. She took my hand then, and whispered softly. Calming me.
"It will grow back."
"That may be. But it doesn't put aside the fact tha-"
"Quiet. Do you hear that?"
I focused on her and listened closely to the hall outside. Footsteps. Not a good sign. The only people who came down this particular hall were the Mistress, her guests, and the guards. No one else. Suya's eyes went wide with fear, for her Master had taken a detour to find her.
"Suya..."
"It's alright Shifiro. I'll be okay. Just look at the wall."
"No I..."
Her Master entered the room then. Slamming the door back against the wall, glaring death. He stood about 6'10, with short blonde hair and baby blue eyes...well normally they were blue. Now they were tinged a dark red color, meaning he was either suffering from extreme hunger or he was a little mad.
"What are you doing here?"
"I apologize, Master."
"Get up."
Suya began shaking, fearful, and I tried to continue watching, just in case this as the last time I ever saw her. Everytime was the last time. She stood and went to him, head low, exposing the many bite marks along her neck. In a flash his hand went to her neck, picking her up from the ground, I heard her gasp and a growl rose in my throat. I balled my fists, resisting my sudden instincts. The Masters eyes snapped to mine and held them there. Momentarily paralyzed, I soon realized he was calling the Mistress.
"Maylene. Maylene, come look at your pet."
"Are you bothering him again, Qui?"
"No but he's bothering me. Again I have found them together."
Mistress joined the Master in the doorway, disapproval in her eyes. She shook her head, and I glanced at Suya, whose hands were gripping the Masters limply. She was running out of air, no doubt her eyes were glossing as well.
"Suya!"
Without thinking the words left my lips and I was at her side in seconds, pulling her from his grip. Just as quickly I was knocked back against the wall, and shrouded in darkness. The last thing I heard...
"S-shifiro..."
When I awoke I was in a new room. Though it was pitch black, I could tell by the way the room felt and smelled. I was also wearing clothes now, which bothered me for some reason. I groped around the small, incredibly small, room searching for anything. I then had the sense that I was moving, the walls were much too smooth. This could only mean one thing; I was being transferred. I would never see Suya again. Had I even saved her? Were my efforts in vain? Would I live to find out? I curled up into a ball and thought about what I would want on my death stone.
Shifironodenmaru
Age 8
"Taken By Love"
Of course I would never get one of those but if I did that's what I would want it to say. Whatever I was being moved in hit against something, slamming me up against the side. Willingly this time, I sank into further darkness.
Alright, that's it. You won't get another one of these for a while I hope...Farewell.
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
You probably already know what I'm doing here. I don't post unless told to, and Suya wants me to do it again, so I will. Though this time...I'm not quite sure what to write about. Last time I wrote about one of my first and only memories with my family. I could write about recent events, but that's not what she wants. Writing about being...what I was...would be hard. But that's what she wants me to write about I think. She didn't really give me anything to work with, no hints or anything. *sighs* I guess, writing about the past is necessary in order to get over it...not that what happened to me is something you get over at all. Though she seems to be doing alright...ahem. Anyway, here goes nothing...
"What's the matter, pet?"
"..."
"Speak truth. What is wrong?"
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Fine."
The mistress walked out of the cell, encasing me in the darkness that was the windowless, lightless 'room' I was confined to. I crawled over to the corner and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Absently I looked over the pile of blankets on the floor for my bed and the small silver bucket for my bathroom. I heard a sliding noise and looked over at the door, as a tray flew through the slit at the bottom. The tray of mush hit against the wall and flew everywhere, splattering me, and the wall with it's disgusting contents. Wiping off my face with the back of my hand I thought why they were feeding me now. Perhaps so I could feed them later.
"Shifiro?"
I smiled when I heard my name flow from the lips of the girl standing in the doorway. I looked up at her from where I sat taking her in.
"Suya. You were allowed here?"
"No. Master does not know, I had to give the guards...something."
"You have sacrificed more than needed."
"Not enough."
She came and sat next to me, and I felt bad for having her sit on the floor. She deserved so much better. She should have a nice soft chair to sit in, of even a couch. Something. She smiled at me, not daring to touch me however. I understood why, and kept my distance from her just the same. Should we touch, our scents would mix more, and her coming here would be evident to her Master. I did not enjoy the thought of her punishment.
"I'm glad you came."
"Me too."
"Have you eaten?"
"Have you?"
"No, but I'm not as important."
"Shifiro."
"Tis true."
She shook her head and looked around, frowning. I knew her room was much better conditions than mine. But she was also used for so much more than I was. I noticed then that her hair had been cut. I inquired softly on why that was. She held in a breath for a second and looked at me, her eyes suddenly glimmering with tears, and I regret asking. Before I could take back my question she spoke, ever so softly. Her voice filled with a haunting sorrow.
"Master said it got in his way...He ordered it cut..."
As she continued to explain, a great anger rose in me. An anger that I had never felt before, soon I was shaking with rage, and I felt my eyes flash a new color. She watched me, concerned, then smiled as she caught hold of my scent. One of a male needing revenge, needing to redeem those he loves. She took my hand then, and whispered softly. Calming me.
"It will grow back."
"That may be. But it doesn't put aside the fact tha-"
"Quiet. Do you hear that?"
I focused on her and listened closely to the hall outside. Footsteps. Not a good sign. The only people who came down this particular hall were the Mistress, her guests, and the guards. No one else. Suya's eyes went wide with fear, for her Master had taken a detour to find her.
"Suya..."
"It's alright Shifiro. I'll be okay. Just look at the wall."
"No I..."
Her Master entered the room then. Slamming the door back against the wall, glaring death. He stood about 6'10, with short blonde hair and baby blue eyes...well normally they were blue. Now they were tinged a dark red color, meaning he was either suffering from extreme hunger or he was a little mad.
"What are you doing here?"
"I apologize, Master."
"Get up."
Suya began shaking, fearful, and I tried to continue watching, just in case this as the last time I ever saw her. Everytime was the last time. She stood and went to him, head low, exposing the many bite marks along her neck. In a flash his hand went to her neck, picking her up from the ground, I heard her gasp and a growl rose in my throat. I balled my fists, resisting my sudden instincts. The Masters eyes snapped to mine and held them there. Momentarily paralyzed, I soon realized he was calling the Mistress.
"Maylene. Maylene, come look at your pet."
"Are you bothering him again, Qui?"
"No but he's bothering me. Again I have found them together."
Mistress joined the Master in the doorway, disapproval in her eyes. She shook her head, and I glanced at Suya, whose hands were gripping the Masters limply. She was running out of air, no doubt her eyes were glossing as well.
"Suya!"
Without thinking the words left my lips and I was at her side in seconds, pulling her from his grip. Just as quickly I was knocked back against the wall, and shrouded in darkness. The last thing I heard...
"S-shifiro..."
When I awoke I was in a new room. Though it was pitch black, I could tell by the way the room felt and smelled. I was also wearing clothes now, which bothered me for some reason. I groped around the small, incredibly small, room searching for anything. I then had the sense that I was moving, the walls were much too smooth. This could only mean one thing; I was being transferred. I would never see Suya again. Had I even saved her? Were my efforts in vain? Would I live to find out? I curled up into a ball and thought about what I would want on my death stone.
Shifironodenmaru
Age 8
"Taken By Love"
Of course I would never get one of those but if I did that's what I would want it to say. Whatever I was being moved in hit against something, slamming me up against the side. Willingly this time, I sank into further darkness.
Alright, that's it. You won't get another one of these for a while I hope...Farewell.
Lost,
Shifironodenmaru
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Dear Pamondria,
This might make things worse. I hope it makes them better. I can tell you haven't been yourself since...her. So I will answer the question you continue to ask: "Why do you still look so sad when someone mentions her name?" Honestly Dria, I cannot stand having her name in my thoughts about you. Everytime I hear her name you come to my mind. This is because everyone is always comparing you to her. Saying somethings you do or say are just like her. I can't mix you two. It isn't right. I probably look sad because or a really stupid reason. Not because I still have feelings for her but because I feel...like...like I've betrayed her somehow. I told you it was a stupid reason. Anyway, to answer your question. My unneeded feeling of betraying her are becoming troublesome in the relationship I'm...no We're trying to have. I'm sorry about that. I'm hoping this helped, that it will take the confusion from your eyes and the sadness from your voice. I hope it will make you smile at me like before, hope that...I hope that it will allow you to trust me again. Now that I've written this I think I can say it. I don't want you to read this...though if you do it doesn't matter you'll already have heard these words.
I Love You, Dria.
Forgive Me,
Hirozuma
This might make things worse. I hope it makes them better. I can tell you haven't been yourself since...her. So I will answer the question you continue to ask: "Why do you still look so sad when someone mentions her name?" Honestly Dria, I cannot stand having her name in my thoughts about you. Everytime I hear her name you come to my mind. This is because everyone is always comparing you to her. Saying somethings you do or say are just like her. I can't mix you two. It isn't right. I probably look sad because or a really stupid reason. Not because I still have feelings for her but because I feel...like...like I've betrayed her somehow. I told you it was a stupid reason. Anyway, to answer your question. My unneeded feeling of betraying her are becoming troublesome in the relationship I'm...no We're trying to have. I'm sorry about that. I'm hoping this helped, that it will take the confusion from your eyes and the sadness from your voice. I hope it will make you smile at me like before, hope that...I hope that it will allow you to trust me again. Now that I've written this I think I can say it. I don't want you to read this...though if you do it doesn't matter you'll already have heard these words.
I Love You, Dria.
Forgive Me,
Hirozuma
Dear Everyone, but mostly no one,
I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe I just need to. But it's probably the fever. You know nothing here smells like her. Nothing compares to her scent..or scents. The sweet smell of plum from her hair. The unique and curious scent of mint and cinnamon from her skin. Or the lovely perfume of cherry blossoms from her lips. Then there are her eyes, how the drift along blessing everything with her gaze. The way her eyes instantly change their emotion. It makes her so unpredictable. Is it so strange that I know these things about her? That I've begun to dream her voice? Perhaps she's talking to me while I sleep and her voice floats to my dreams. But I don't think so because I can hear her voice in the halls. Her sweet lilting voice singing ever so softly. Do you think me crazy? For knowing what makes her eyes glossen with fear? Or what makes them glimmer with joy, and darken with sadness? How her eyes captivate me. Perhaps she is right. Maybe we will get married. Though if we don't I sincerely hope she doesn't leave me. I don't know how I survived before her.
Losing My Mind To Her,
Osumaru
I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe I just need to. But it's probably the fever. You know nothing here smells like her. Nothing compares to her scent..or scents. The sweet smell of plum from her hair. The unique and curious scent of mint and cinnamon from her skin. Or the lovely perfume of cherry blossoms from her lips. Then there are her eyes, how the drift along blessing everything with her gaze. The way her eyes instantly change their emotion. It makes her so unpredictable. Is it so strange that I know these things about her? That I've begun to dream her voice? Perhaps she's talking to me while I sleep and her voice floats to my dreams. But I don't think so because I can hear her voice in the halls. Her sweet lilting voice singing ever so softly. Do you think me crazy? For knowing what makes her eyes glossen with fear? Or what makes them glimmer with joy, and darken with sadness? How her eyes captivate me. Perhaps she is right. Maybe we will get married. Though if we don't I sincerely hope she doesn't leave me. I don't know how I survived before her.
Losing My Mind To Her,
Osumaru
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Dead Love
I know I said I'd tell you about my life piece by piece but I think these are the most important things I can say about it:
~I lost someone...a long time ago. Other then my mother. It was after that. I told you about Angel right? WEll we were friends, back then he had an older brother. I would talk to Angel all the time...he was my comfort, my support. After my life plummeted to hell. I would go to his house everyday, all day whenever I can. At first it was to seek solace. But after a while, I fell for his older brother Michael, who would comfort me when Angel was gone. We were close after a year of constant contact. Almost a classic love story right? He loved me and I loved him. But I had abandoned Angel. Though we remained friends. One day, Michael was taking me to see my parents, at their graves. He said something that caused more sadness and wasn't intended. We got into an argument over something petty and the next day I wouldn't talk to him. So I sought Angel's comfort. He talked me into speaking with his brother again. So I went to find him, when I did find him he was in his room muttering. Most likely sending up prayer, and saying how sorry he was for upsetting me. I was about to say something when he said he could never forgive himself for murdering my family. I took him literally, thinking he really killed my father, and perhaps even my mother. Although I knew she'd taken her own life. So, being in the emotional state that I was in I freaked out. I asked him how he could do such a thing. We got into another fight...I hit him multiple times causing a bloody lip. He refused to fight back, and I didn't stop. In the end...I killed him, and he hadn't touched me once. I stared down at him...loathing written on my face mixed with other emotions. Angel chose then to walk into the room. He saw his brother dead on the floor, took one look at me and broke down. I ran...going to the darkest place I knew. It was two days later that I discovered what Michael had meant. He had been with my father when he was killed. Michael felt responsible for the murder, and thus the death of my mother. He'd felt bad because he couldn't do anything to prevent it. I killed Michael for caring. Horror swept over me quickly and I detached myself from the world for the next four days. I went to Michaels funeral the fifth day and placed a black rose on his casket. The next day I took my life.~
--Two years later I was reborn. In a week I reunited with Angel. He was with a new family and had a little sister. After a short while I fell for him like I had his brother. Though soon he remembered the pain I had caused him, how it was my fault that his family broke apart. He blamed me for everything and cast me away--
Now, I no longer see him. He won't look at me. Don't ask about times and how long ago this all is...I couldn't tell you.
The feelings after death surrender to nothing,
Loraina Kiarwa
~I lost someone...a long time ago. Other then my mother. It was after that. I told you about Angel right? WEll we were friends, back then he had an older brother. I would talk to Angel all the time...he was my comfort, my support. After my life plummeted to hell. I would go to his house everyday, all day whenever I can. At first it was to seek solace. But after a while, I fell for his older brother Michael, who would comfort me when Angel was gone. We were close after a year of constant contact. Almost a classic love story right? He loved me and I loved him. But I had abandoned Angel. Though we remained friends. One day, Michael was taking me to see my parents, at their graves. He said something that caused more sadness and wasn't intended. We got into an argument over something petty and the next day I wouldn't talk to him. So I sought Angel's comfort. He talked me into speaking with his brother again. So I went to find him, when I did find him he was in his room muttering. Most likely sending up prayer, and saying how sorry he was for upsetting me. I was about to say something when he said he could never forgive himself for murdering my family. I took him literally, thinking he really killed my father, and perhaps even my mother. Although I knew she'd taken her own life. So, being in the emotional state that I was in I freaked out. I asked him how he could do such a thing. We got into another fight...I hit him multiple times causing a bloody lip. He refused to fight back, and I didn't stop. In the end...I killed him, and he hadn't touched me once. I stared down at him...loathing written on my face mixed with other emotions. Angel chose then to walk into the room. He saw his brother dead on the floor, took one look at me and broke down. I ran...going to the darkest place I knew. It was two days later that I discovered what Michael had meant. He had been with my father when he was killed. Michael felt responsible for the murder, and thus the death of my mother. He'd felt bad because he couldn't do anything to prevent it. I killed Michael for caring. Horror swept over me quickly and I detached myself from the world for the next four days. I went to Michaels funeral the fifth day and placed a black rose on his casket. The next day I took my life.~
--Two years later I was reborn. In a week I reunited with Angel. He was with a new family and had a little sister. After a short while I fell for him like I had his brother. Though soon he remembered the pain I had caused him, how it was my fault that his family broke apart. He blamed me for everything and cast me away--
Now, I no longer see him. He won't look at me. Don't ask about times and how long ago this all is...I couldn't tell you.
The feelings after death surrender to nothing,
Loraina Kiarwa
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
How long
I will tell you who I am at the then end of this post. I just thought I should say something...or do something. Because no one knows me or anything. Except Angel. But he doesn't talk to me anymore. But it's fine. How long does it take people to know you exactly? Hm...Maybe I'll tell you about my life. So then, you can say "Hey...I've read about her." When you hear my name. Okay? Uh...I won't start from the beggining that would take much too long. I'll just write about the "highlights" in my life. So I'll start from about 10 years ago. When I first met Angel.
~"Lora..? Lora... wake up honey." my mom spoke from above my bed. It was raining outside, my favorite kind of weather, until then. I looked up at my mothers face. Tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes puffy from her obvious crying. I sat bolt upright, looking her in the eyes and half already knowing what she would say. "What's wrong mama?" I asked, dread circling my heart. "I-it's your father baby...I'm afraid..." she broke out in tears then, and she didn't have to say anymore.
The next week we went to his funeral. She never told me how he died, or where or when. I wasn't sure I wanted to know at that point. I looked up at the sky while my grandpa spoke over father's casket. I looked up at the sky, hoping the sun would wash away my doubts, and worries. They didn't. Turning my head I saw a little boy. His hair was down to his waist, and he sat in a tree staring curiously at me. Looking around I walked over to the tree, wiping my face before looking up at him once more. "H-hello" I said smiling sadly. "Hey" he replied. "Who are you?" I blinked staring at him. "Angelo. But you can call me Angel" He smiled at me then, the most reassuring thing I'd seen in all my life. Though being six it hadn't been that long. He hopped down from the tree and stood infront of me. "How old are you?" I asked. "9" he told me. I nodded. "Wanna be friends?" I tilted my head to the side, the way I'd seen my sister do. "Sure." He stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
6 months later, my mother commited suicide. It was May 18th. Two days after my 7th birthday. We held her funeral a week from that date, and Angel was there. To comfort me. Telling me he knew how it felt. After that day, I never left his side for moment.~
I'll write about the most important parts of my life. One year at a time, every time I post. So then you'll know why I'm the way I am now. I suppose you could call it a kind of auto biography. *shrugs* But I'm sure most of you won't really care much about my life. That's really all I have to talk about right now. I could tell you many a tragic story. For my life is full of them...but I won't yet.
Love to the strangers,
~Loraina Kiarwa~
~"Lora..? Lora... wake up honey." my mom spoke from above my bed. It was raining outside, my favorite kind of weather, until then. I looked up at my mothers face. Tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes puffy from her obvious crying. I sat bolt upright, looking her in the eyes and half already knowing what she would say. "What's wrong mama?" I asked, dread circling my heart. "I-it's your father baby...I'm afraid..." she broke out in tears then, and she didn't have to say anymore.
The next week we went to his funeral. She never told me how he died, or where or when. I wasn't sure I wanted to know at that point. I looked up at the sky while my grandpa spoke over father's casket. I looked up at the sky, hoping the sun would wash away my doubts, and worries. They didn't. Turning my head I saw a little boy. His hair was down to his waist, and he sat in a tree staring curiously at me. Looking around I walked over to the tree, wiping my face before looking up at him once more. "H-hello" I said smiling sadly. "Hey" he replied. "Who are you?" I blinked staring at him. "Angelo. But you can call me Angel" He smiled at me then, the most reassuring thing I'd seen in all my life. Though being six it hadn't been that long. He hopped down from the tree and stood infront of me. "How old are you?" I asked. "9" he told me. I nodded. "Wanna be friends?" I tilted my head to the side, the way I'd seen my sister do. "Sure." He stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
6 months later, my mother commited suicide. It was May 18th. Two days after my 7th birthday. We held her funeral a week from that date, and Angel was there. To comfort me. Telling me he knew how it felt. After that day, I never left his side for moment.~
I'll write about the most important parts of my life. One year at a time, every time I post. So then you'll know why I'm the way I am now. I suppose you could call it a kind of auto biography. *shrugs* But I'm sure most of you won't really care much about my life. That's really all I have to talk about right now. I could tell you many a tragic story. For my life is full of them...but I won't yet.
Love to the strangers,
~Loraina Kiarwa~
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Never Realized...
----- Ryojin
It's hard to see things as they truly are until they are snapped into perspective by some great event. What I mean is I never realized how small I really am until earlier today. My Mother is small, short. My Father is quite tall compared to me. My other form is the biggest out of my brothers and sisters, but...I thoroughly deserve the title 'pup' compared to my Father. My sisters were testing their other forms earlier when they had the brilliant idea to ask dad to change for them. Of course he said no. But they pulled out the big guns (Tesu) and he finally agreed. It took only a few seconds, even my Mother was amazed at the sheer size. My brothers and I had initial instinct to cower at first. My sisters stood there in awe, and my Mother, she smiled. She smiled and sat beside him when he lie down. It was quite a scene. Though now I understand why my Father laughs when we talk about who's stronger than who and who is bigger. Because we had no idea. When he changed back, my brother asked him why he never changes. My father said he didn't enjoy that form as much as his human one, and I understand. My little sister however, enjoys the form a lot. She has a lot more freedom then. I'm sure she'll tell you about it herself eventually. I will never forget this day.
Taking Time,
Ryojin 'Kyosera'
----- Shiroi
I know my brother told you about what happened today already, but I had to voice it as well. Because....Holy crap. I could not believe my eyes. We're going to see if Uncle Shunukasun will do it next. Then Uncle Lie, or Uncle Hito. We want to see how small we are compared to them. Normally I don't want any attention drawn to how short I am, but now I want to know. Just how small am I? I was almost scared standing next to my dad in his other form. He towered over me by like fifty feet. I could be exaggerating. But who cares. I know what I saw. It was so cool anyway. There's food cooking. Peace.
Lovin' Family,
Shiroi 'Kyosera'
It's hard to see things as they truly are until they are snapped into perspective by some great event. What I mean is I never realized how small I really am until earlier today. My Mother is small, short. My Father is quite tall compared to me. My other form is the biggest out of my brothers and sisters, but...I thoroughly deserve the title 'pup' compared to my Father. My sisters were testing their other forms earlier when they had the brilliant idea to ask dad to change for them. Of course he said no. But they pulled out the big guns (Tesu) and he finally agreed. It took only a few seconds, even my Mother was amazed at the sheer size. My brothers and I had initial instinct to cower at first. My sisters stood there in awe, and my Mother, she smiled. She smiled and sat beside him when he lie down. It was quite a scene. Though now I understand why my Father laughs when we talk about who's stronger than who and who is bigger. Because we had no idea. When he changed back, my brother asked him why he never changes. My father said he didn't enjoy that form as much as his human one, and I understand. My little sister however, enjoys the form a lot. She has a lot more freedom then. I'm sure she'll tell you about it herself eventually. I will never forget this day.
Taking Time,
Ryojin 'Kyosera'
----- Shiroi
I know my brother told you about what happened today already, but I had to voice it as well. Because....Holy crap. I could not believe my eyes. We're going to see if Uncle Shunukasun will do it next. Then Uncle Lie, or Uncle Hito. We want to see how small we are compared to them. Normally I don't want any attention drawn to how short I am, but now I want to know. Just how small am I? I was almost scared standing next to my dad in his other form. He towered over me by like fifty feet. I could be exaggerating. But who cares. I know what I saw. It was so cool anyway. There's food cooking. Peace.
Lovin' Family,
Shiroi 'Kyosera'
Monday, October 02, 2006
The Situation...
Here's the situation:
Your walking down a path, your boyfriend is following you protectively (not stalkerish) and you come accross your Ex. You stop and chat with him, then continue on your way. Your boyfrined stops and chats with him as well and continues to follow you. The next day you travel down the same path and see your Ex again. You repeat yesterdays events. But when your boyfriend talks to him you hear a snap and one set of footsteps continuing. You look back and see the only your boyfriend is left. You ask him about it later and he says "I don't know where he went." What do you do?
Me personally, I'm used to it. He does this all the time. Of course today was just....unessecary. He took out his frustration on someone who didn't deserve it. It's just plain rude if you ask me. However, I won't say anything more about it. Matter of fact...nevermind.
Sexy Love,
Arelav
Your walking down a path, your boyfriend is following you protectively (not stalkerish) and you come accross your Ex. You stop and chat with him, then continue on your way. Your boyfrined stops and chats with him as well and continues to follow you. The next day you travel down the same path and see your Ex again. You repeat yesterdays events. But when your boyfriend talks to him you hear a snap and one set of footsteps continuing. You look back and see the only your boyfriend is left. You ask him about it later and he says "I don't know where he went." What do you do?
Me personally, I'm used to it. He does this all the time. Of course today was just....unessecary. He took out his frustration on someone who didn't deserve it. It's just plain rude if you ask me. However, I won't say anything more about it. Matter of fact...nevermind.
Sexy Love,
Arelav
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