He, Who is Our Father.

Bang bang bang!

Windless, soundless. Slow-motion breathing. Stop.
Force it up and out, into the ocean, into the sky.
Stop.
Rustling leaves. Kissing frost. Moisture.
Stop.
Brisk air and crisp sound. Biting, frigidity.
Stop.
Is this about the weather?

Bang bang bang!

It's all over now. See you next time, I promise.
My father, my friend.
Angel nor devil.
Saint nor sinner.
The bell tolls thrice in calling out your soul.
Strength and power, wisdom, knowledge.
Heat in the eyes of my elder.
Passion in the words.
Experience in hands and fingertips.
That which cannot be expressed through words is shown with expert skill.
Adept, intellect, surety.
What is lost?
Nothing really, truly, there is so much left behind.
"The physical form is fleeting, the soul, the mark you leave on this world is permanence."
Say that, did you not?
Written words across my chest, scarred in, blood and flesh.
You, who are my blood.
You who hath borne my flesh.
I bid you, farewell.

Bang.

Phillip, Son of William.
          &
Adellia, Blooded Daughter of William

Tromping Through Snow

I'm not the poetic type.

Its been a rough five weeks. I haven't done anything. I have only been able to work through the loneliness I didn't expect to feel. When I originally made up this deal with you, I thought "It'll be a breeze.". Holy shit was I wrong.

I'm not going to sit here and romanticize how much I miss you though. I'd rather tell you to your face. But I want you to know that I hear you. I know you miss me. It's mutual. And this Saturday, when I can finally wrap you in my arms, I want you to answer my question.

Is $20,000 enough for the perfect wedding dress?

Johnathan

Tip Toe on Hot Lava

A heart beats two feet away, I can hear it, I think I can feel it and the constant pounding just makes my skin crawl. I stretch towards it, any attempt to get closer sounds like a good idea. Is this heart beat a trap? Is it a way to keep me from my sanity. It couldn't be. It sounds too innocent, that heart. So I continue to lean, to rip and tatter my body in search of this, something. This something real. It's something I want. Something I crave for but cannot reach. No matter how far I stretch, how much I try, that beat is too far away. It cannot be touched. Nor harmed.

The beat stops. I cease my stretching. Had it ever been there? I know I didn't make it up. My torn limbs and tired muscles could not have lied. Could they? I stare down at my battered body. My legs are limp, my shoulders slumped. I pout. The beat starts again and my eyes flicker. It cannot be back! Is it closer? Excitement sprints through my veins and I grin like a cat. Stretching evermore, past my limits I reach out again. If only to grasp the heart, to feel its subtle pounding.

Finally, when all hope seemed lost I reach the heart. My gaze drifts over it with such longing that I cannot control the heavy sigh the exits my lips. Just a hands length away, I grab at it. But this dream is not to be. Something blocks this heart, something strong and invisible. It is as if iron had been wrought around it. Protection. This heart is not mine. The pout comes back and my bottom lip finds its way to my chin. Tears: the ceaseless rivers of my soul pour from my eyes. All this effort, all this pain and I cannot have the beat. Shirking from the invisible iron I scream. A horrible heart wrenching scream. All my blood and tears fall from this stream of undoing. As if cracking from the inside, I buckle in a wave of sorrow. Motivation leaves me on the ground, staring at your heart. One other wasteful breath and the cage breaks. But I dare not go near it. Instead I reach out with my senses, leaving the physical behind to cope. I embrace the heart with my mind and soul; body must heal.

It is then I realize that in order to obtain this heart. Your heart. I must open up. I must remove my own heart and place it in the cage with yours. Our hearts will reach out to each other, bodies left to tip toe on hot lava. It is the heart the matters after all.

Dear Everyone,

So I'm a little new in town. There are a ton of things I don't know. Things I know I need to learn in order to stay here. I'd like to think I'm doing a good job. But to those of you I've met: thanks for guiding me. To those of you I have yet to meet: I couldn't be more excited to see you! This is a right of passage.

Dear You,

You'll know who you are by the end of this. Thank you for taking care of me in their absence. I know you didn't want me. Not knowing whether I'd be a liability or not. But I appreciate it. And I love you. A lot.

To Johnathan,
Help me to be strong. I need you like I need breath in my lungs. I can't do this alone. I know you miss me and I miss you too (not that I'm allowed to since your afraid to get attached). I just want you know that I think of you every second of every day. And since you haven't been with me, my soul has shrunk a little. This is no confession of any sort, just cold fact ;). So don't panic. I'd never confess anything serious online anyways. I hope you can see it in you to stick around for a few more weeks. I'd really like to see your handsome face when this is over. Thank you for being who you are. You couldn't give me a better gift.

'L' word,
Lin

Your not a true voice until you've blogged.
Goodnight World!

~899~

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Abraham Lincoln

No matter how deep a study you make. What you really have to rely on is your own intuition and when it comes down to it, you really don’t know what’s going to happen until you do it.

Konosuke Matsushita

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.

Booker T. Washington

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.

Samuel Johnson

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.

John F. Kennedy

There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty.

John Adams

Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government.

Thomas Jefferson

Searching, Searching!

I woke up in a dream today
to the cold of the static
and put my cold feet on the floor
forgot about yesterday
remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore

A little taste of hypocrisy
and I'm left in the wake of the mistakes
slow to react
even though your so close to me
your still so distant and I can't bring you back

(Chorus)
It's true the way I feel
what's promised by your face
the sound of your voice
painted on my memories
even if your not with me, I'm with you
(you) now I see
given everything inside
(with you) you, now I see
even when I close my eyes

I hate you when you hit me back
we fall to the floor
the rest of the day stands still
a fine line between this and that
when things go wrong I pretend that the past isn't real

I'm trapped in these memories
and I'm left in the wake of the mistakes
slow to react
so even though your close to me
your still so distant and I can't bring you back

(Chorus)
It's true the way I feel
what's promised by your face
the sound of your voice
painted on my memories
even if your not with me, I'm with you
(you) now I see
given everything inside

No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
no matter how far we've come, I
I can't wait to see tomorrow
(with you) now I see
given everything inside

Linkin Park "With You"

Davon II

A memo for the ladies

Љубов. Лојалност. Пријателство.
Translation: Love. Loyalty. Friendship.
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Я люблю ее. Больше всего я люблю ее. Желаем только лучшие для нее. Только счастье ее заставляет мое сердце свет. --- Shiro

Translation: I love her. More than anything do I adore her. Wish nothing but the best for her. Only her happiness makes my heart light.
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Tā gǎibiàn le wǒ shēnghuó de xǔduō fāngmiàn. Wǒ zuìdà de kuàilè shì tā de xiào shēng. Dāng wǒ xiàlái, wǒ kěyǐ yīlài tā. Shénme shì zhùfú wǒ suǒ dédào de. --- Euikinsuke

Translation: She has changed my life in so many ways. My greatest pleasure is her laughter. When I am down, I can depend on her. What a blessing I have been given.
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La luz de mi vida. ¿A quién más puedo mirar a quién me va a sacar de mi oscuridad? Estoy eternamente agradecido por sus sacrificios y las luchas que ella pasa.Te quiero, cariño. -- Leon'

Translation: The light of my life. Who else can I look to who will bring me out of my darkness? I am forever grateful for her sacrifices and the strife she goes through. I love you, darling.
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Ένα δώρο από αυτά υψηλότερα από θεούς.Φτιαγμένο για μένα.Που μου έδωσε δώρο μετά πολύτιμο δώρο. Πάντα σε εγρήγορση και πιστός, αυτή είναι δική μου. Και εγώ πάντα δικό της. -- Max

Translation: A gift from those higher than gods. Made for me. She has given me gift after precious gift. Ever vigilant and faithful, she is mine. And I forever hers.
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Mpenzi wangu. Moyo wangu. Nafsi yangu. Mwanga katika giza. Milele kwa ajili yangu. Milele kwa ajili yenu. -- Tsukaruyen

Translation: Beloved. My Heart. My soul. Forever for me. Forever for you.
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Avec vos conseils, je suis capable d'être un grand homme. Vous me donnez la force dont j'ai besoin. Vous permettez-moi de voir ce que je ne peux pas. Sans vous, je serais sûrement à l'automne. -- Renovarin

Translation: With your advice, I am able to be a great man. You give me the strength I need. You let me see what I can not. Without you, I would surely fall.
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Il mio più grande amore. La mia passione più selvaggia. Mia moglie e madre dei miei figli. Come ha fatto riesco a respirare anche senza di te prima? --- Osumaru

Translation: My greatest love. My wildest passion. My wife and mother of my children. How did I breathe without you before?
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With Love.

Light Festival

It's always been this way. Tight leather and chains, black and red mingling into blood. Anything else would be confusing. But looking through the photo's of my childhood with my little ones this afternoon brought back a thought. I used to be usual. I haven't always been outlandish and exotic. Haven't always been a slut. I remember now, days so long ago when I was running around in pink, catching butterflies in my father's gardens with Lie watching from the porch and Ki and Shunae at my side. Toddling along, trying to keep up. I remember childhood as a horrific experience. All the way through being a teenager until just a few years ago did I loathe my existence with the greatest passion. But I've been changed. i still have my style that can't be taken from me. That which sets me apart from every other Chinese girl. Every other dragon shaalma. Every other wife and mother. I'm still me. Despite what happens, has happened, will happen.

Can it change I wonder? Can the world change to accommodate my little daughter, who looks up to me as if I am the Moon? Will it hold true for my baby boy who wishes to be his father as a star wishes to be the Sun? Or will the world turn it's back on them as it has done to me? So many times I have wondered and prayed to my god that the world will have mercy on their tender hearts. Give light labor to their little hands and place only smooth paths in front of their soft feet. But today, as I helped them get ready to go to their first Light Festival, I realized, as every mother must, that I can only pray. I can only hold onto my dreams and fears as they battle through the world as I did. I will only be able to guide them and wipe away tears of bitter sorrow as the experience life for what it is.

As I type this, I wonder still if this is how my mother felt when she watched me dress for my own festival. If my father looks down on me in shame still for taking paths improper for a shaalma of my standing. Perhaps...perhaps they learned as I have learned that they cannot control what is no longer theirs. As you give birth, you give freedom and free will. Though you can guide and advise all you want. The choice is left to them.

My only hope now, as I pray for their safety on this night, is that I am able to continue to give them what I hope will aid them in the future.

愛,
小李，陈建宇*

*Xiao