Tip Toe on Hot Lava

A heart beats two feet away, I can hear it, I think I can feel it and the constant pounding just makes my skin crawl. I stretch towards it, any attempt to get closer sounds like a good idea. Is this heart beat a trap? Is it a way to keep me from my sanity. It couldn't be. It sounds too innocent, that heart. So I continue to lean, to rip and tatter my body in search of this, something. This something real. It's something I want. Something I crave for but cannot reach. No matter how far I stretch, how much I try, that beat is too far away. It cannot be touched. Nor harmed.

The beat stops. I cease my stretching. Had it ever been there? I know I didn't make it up. My torn limbs and tired muscles could not have lied. Could they? I stare down at my battered body. My legs are limp, my shoulders slumped. I pout. The beat starts again and my eyes flicker. It cannot be back! Is it closer? Excitement sprints through my veins and I grin like a cat. Stretching evermore, past my limits I reach out again. If only to grasp the heart, to feel its subtle pounding.

Finally, when all hope seemed lost I reach the heart. My gaze drifts over it with such longing that I cannot control the heavy sigh the exits my lips. Just a hands length away, I grab at it. But this dream is not to be. Something blocks this heart, something strong and invisible. It is as if iron had been wrought around it. Protection. This heart is not mine. The pout comes back and my bottom lip finds its way to my chin. Tears: the ceaseless rivers of my soul pour from my eyes. All this effort, all this pain and I cannot have the beat. Shirking from the invisible iron I scream. A horrible heart wrenching scream. All my blood and tears fall from this stream of undoing. As if cracking from the inside, I buckle in a wave of sorrow. Motivation leaves me on the ground, staring at your heart. One other wasteful breath and the cage breaks. But I dare not go near it. Instead I reach out with my senses, leaving the physical behind to cope. I embrace the heart with my mind and soul; body must heal.

It is then I realize that in order to obtain this heart. Your heart. I must open up. I must remove my own heart and place it in the cage with yours. Our hearts will reach out to each other, bodies left to tip toe on hot lava. It is the heart the matters after all.

Dear Everyone,

So I'm a little new in town. There are a ton of things I don't know. Things I know I need to learn in order to stay here. I'd like to think I'm doing a good job. But to those of you I've met: thanks for guiding me. To those of you I have yet to meet: I couldn't be more excited to see you! This is a right of passage.

Dear You,

You'll know who you are by the end of this. Thank you for taking care of me in their absence. I know you didn't want me. Not knowing whether I'd be a liability or not. But I appreciate it. And I love you. A lot.

To Johnathan,
Help me to be strong. I need you like I need breath in my lungs. I can't do this alone. I know you miss me and I miss you too (not that I'm allowed to since your afraid to get attached). I just want you know that I think of you every second of every day. And since you haven't been with me, my soul has shrunk a little. This is no confession of any sort, just cold fact ;). So don't panic. I'd never confess anything serious online anyways. I hope you can see it in you to stick around for a few more weeks. I'd really like to see your handsome face when this is over. Thank you for being who you are. You couldn't give me a better gift.

'L' word,
Lin

Your not a true voice until you've blogged.
Goodnight World!