How Can I Go On?

I'm trying...very hard...I am. But...it is hard. And it still hurts. It hurts alot. I still feel the ripping, the tearing of my heart and the breaking of my soul. I'm not sure I can go on too long like this. How could I? I'm dying...I know it. This has to be what death feels like. Perhaps if I just end it now...maybe the pain will subside in the afterlife. But then I'd go to hell anyway. I couldn't stop it. Maybe I'm already there? Imagine your body tearing and shredding down the middle. Imagine the burning agony you'd go through as this happened slowly. Imagine watching your blood pour from this endlessly opening wound to pool around your feet. Can you see that? Can you see your heart very slowly melting inside of you? Burning every thing the tiny flaming drops touch as it cascades through your body. Imagine the ricocheting of your bones, like glass shards cracking them. But they don't break right away...they continue to crack, more and more cracks added over time. Can you feel it? Your finger snapping backwards. And as you watch your bones begin to protrude from your hands. The blood flows; as a steady river down your arm to make larger the pool below you. At the same time your ribs quake then shatter and spear through your skin and stab you at every waking moment. The tear through your chest is still there...but now theres a growing hole. Raw around the edges, burning as it grows. This hole shows your deteriorating insides and hurts more than anything but the tear through your center. Picture your legs giving out, the muscles in them that held you up moments ago rip painfully. And the bones snap abruptly; still there is nothing you can do. You fall, but not on the ground...there isn't cement, or carpet, or grass or anything. There is a crimson tunnel, a never ending abyss and you fall downward, downward, ever downward. No end, the beginning lost in the blinding pain that wrenches through your body. You can't see anything, but you feel the crimson abyss, like a heat that sears through your head and fries your senses. Can you picture that? On the verge of death but not dying. My heart is lost.Your mind is cracking, with the glass in your spine. Just like the front it is stabbing through your back. It's how I feel...should you call it feeling at all.

And still.........

I blame no one.

I'm just fumbling to shape my melting heart...

~Lameriee~

P.S. I can never not love you...